10 Things I’ve Learned After Being Alone For WAY Too Long

Being single for what seems like an eternity can be frustrating, but rather than moping about being alone, I’ve chosen to learn from my experience. Here are some of the lessons I’ve been taught during all my time as a single AF woman:

  1. Chasing someone is ridiculous. I’ve made the mistake of texting a guy after a first date and being told that he wasn’t “romantically interested” in me. While I like to think of myself as a modern woman, I’ve learned that letting the guy send the post-first date text is the best thing. Chasing someone is the craziest idea in the world because they will prove their real feelings if they’re given a chance.
  2. Hope sucks but it’s still necessary. It’s hard to have hope when my life seems to be one bad date after another. It’s tough to believe that I’m going to find someone when I never seem to connect with anyone and I definitely don’t feel like they get me. But while it sucks to have hope because that proves that love still hasn’t happened for me yet, it’s still super necessary and important. I can’t date (or live) without it.
  3. Ghosting is useful. I know, I know. Ghosting is awful, immature, mean, and every negative adjective under the sun. But it’s also a really handy way of dealing with jerks. When a guy is rude to me on a first date or acts like I’m already his girlfriend (i.e. super creepy and clingy), I’m okay with ghosting.
  4. Jealousy is stupid. It’s super easy to think that just because my friends have found boyfriends (or have even gone on good dates recently) that they’re somehow better than me. But it’s silly to be a green-eyed monster… especially about dating of all things. I’m on my own path, and that’s fine with me.
  5. Be grateful for the decent dates. My rating system for dates has been pretty comical this past year. There have been the horror story dates, the so-so ones, and the ones that weren’t actually that bad. I’ve learned to be grateful for any dates that were even halfway decent. They make me think that the next one will be much better.
  6. There’s more to life than dating. It can be tough to forget about wanting to find love, but sometimes, I have the most luck when I forget how annoying this whole thing is and focus on the good things and people that I have. Who needs boys when you have chocolate and good movies? (I’m kidding… kind of.)
  7. There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s easy to believe that I’m the reason for my perpetually solo status, like I didn’t get the girlfriend gene or I’m somehow defective. But over time, I’ve learned that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. It just takes some people longer to find someone, and that’s okay.
  8. It’s a journey. When I didn’t go on a single second date this past year, I freaked out… at first. Then I realized that it’s okay because it’s a journey. I have to trust that this is where I’m supposed to be. If the alliterative is feeling sorry for myself and being miserable, I think I’d rather take a deep breath and have some faith that it’ll all work out in the end.
  9. No one is perfect, including me. It’s tough to admit that maybe I’ve made some mistakes along the way, but of course I have. Everyone has. I’m going to own who I am and be proud of it while realizing that no one I date is perfect and I’m not either. Cutting everyone some slack is totally necessary sometimes.
  10. Love can happen anytime. I refuse to believe that just because I don’t have a BF right now I’m never going to get one. That would be pretty crazy. My life could change tomorrow and I could meet the most amazing person ever. Isn’t that a better way of looking at life and love?
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.