I used to be the queen of saying no. The second a guy didn’t say something I liked, I would check out. Called me “bae”? Next. Vegan? Next. Saying no all the time may have helped me avoid all the a-holes out there but probably also turned away some mad decent prospects. Instead of dating guys who completed everything on my checklist I decided to throw the checklist to the wind. Here are some things I learned after dating for the present instead of the future:
Guys are drama as fuhhh. Calling Blair Waldorf! When did guys become these huge gossip girls? My ex-boyfriend and I got into a fight (more like a tiff) and the next thing I knew, his best friends were calling me on his behalf. WTF? Discussing our relationship with the Uber driver, creating cryptic tweets and posting passive aggressive Snapchat stories is nothing but unnecessary drama!
The kind of guys I seriously couldn’t put up with long-term. There’s a general consensus out there that we need to avoid douchebags, right? I found that I would prefer to be without guys who chew gum on the daily, wear sandals in public, take shirtless pictures of themselves at the gym, brag about going to the gym and who use the term “models and bottles.”
The kind of guys I do like. Whoever said nice guys finish last is a huge liar. Nice guys are AWESOME and they’re who we should all strive to be with. Yeah, it can be fun dating the guys who play the game, but wouldn’t you prefer the one who calls when he says he will? I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to be with the guy still living at home dreaming of becoming the next Kanye West.
I know how to be alone. Not secretly planning a future with the guy I was dating was actually the most relaxing thing. I didn’t have to overthink what every milestone meant in the relationship and never wondered whether we were going too fast or too slow. I actually spent more time pinning workout outfits than wedding dresses, which was a relief.
Girls are seriously on the prowl. Granted, I haven’t always been super invested in every relationship I’ve been in, but it really surprised me how bold (I mean desperate, thirsty) girls could be, like the waitress who was giving eyes to my ex-boyfriend who was clearly on a date with me. We were holding hands and everything! Did she think I was his hot young aunt? Probably.
I really hate texting. I understand that it’s 2016 and everyone lives on their phones — I do too. I still need someone who can pick up the phone and use it to have a spoken verbal conversation. The texting back and forth all day every day with constant “k”s and “lol”s is cute… but only for a minute.
Never leave your personal items behind. This is a big one! Collect your items before you leave his house because it may just be the last time you’ll ever be there. The amount of panties, earrings, rings and makeup brushes I have had to replace… ugh. Absolutely devastating.
Don’t get too attached to the pets. After my ex and I broke up, I ended up thinking about him all the time simply because I missed his dog so much. I still think about making a casual drive by near their favorite dog park. Maybe I should try to get joint custody or something.
Refrain from paying. Don’t pay for too many things. Dropping money on expensive gifts for a guy you know won’t be long-term isn’t smart. The money you spend on him is money you could spend on your next boyfriend, or better yet, yourself. Trust me, it’s a wasted investment.
It’s a huge waste of time. Just kidding! I learned a lot from dating guys I couldn’t necessarily see a long term future with. The most important thing I learned is that I am amazing. My confidence has skyrocketed because of the new-found dating experience I now have, so I don’t regret it at all.