Narcissists only date you so they can get whatever they want from you, whether that’s money, attention, or praise. They’re master manipulators, finding ways to always come out on top and leave you in the dirt. Before you fall for a narcissist, thinking they genuinely care about you, protect yourself by keeping an ear out for these 10 common things they say to exert power over you.
1. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
A narcissist will tell you this to make you feel like you’re being dramatic or overreacting to a situation. It’s a sneaky way for them to dismiss and minimize your feelings. It works so well because it makes you doubt your responses and reactions. Narcissists will usually use this type of phrase when you confront them about something they did to hurt you. It enables them to regain power in the situation by invalidating your perspective.
2. “You’re way too sensitive.”
It’s common for narcissists to put you down and belittle you, like telling you that you’re too “dramatic” or “sensitive.” They’re always criticizing you so that you experience low self-confidence. They want you to feel like your opinions and feelings don’t matter, so you suppress them. By telling you that you’re “too sensitive,” they make you feel irrational or stupid, so you start depending on them as the logical or rational voice in the relationship.
3. “I never said that.”
It’s common for narcissists to use gaslighting tactics to make you question your memory and perception. They do this with phrases like, “I never said that.” For example, if you both agreed on going to Italy for a vacation, closer to the time the narcissist might say, “I never said that” or “I never agreed to that.” They want you to doubt yourself so they can chip away at your self-worth. They love playing with your feelings to keep you in a state of confusion.
4. “You’re imagining things.”
Another way in which a narcissist will make you doubt yourself is by using a phrase such as, “You’re imagining things.” This serves to create confusion and make you feel off balance so you trust their judgment instead of your own. It’s one of the ways in which narcissists will try to gain more control over you. If they tell you this phrase enough, you’ll start to second-guess what you think or feel, essentially giving them power.
5. “Everyone agrees with me.”
To make you feel like your opinions are worthless and theirs are always right, a narcissist will use a tactic known as triangulation. This is when they bring other people into your conversation or argument so that you feel like you’re outnumbered. They might say, “Everyone agrees with me that you’re crazy,” if you ask who “everyone” is, they’ll mention names of your mutual friends or loved ones to make you feel isolated. This also serves to cut you off from other people in your life so you only focus on the narcissist.
6. “After all I’ve done for you?”
This is a guilt-tripping tactic narcissists use to make you feel obligated to them. If you try to assert your needs or boundaries in the relationship, they’ll say something like, “How can you do that to me, after all I’ve done for you?” They’re hoping to make you backtrack and apologize so that they remain the number one priority in your life. They also want you to ditch your needs so that you can cater to theirs. So selfish!
7. “If you loved me, you would…”
Narcissists are kings and queens of conditional love. They’ll tell you, “If you loved me, you would stay home with me instead of visiting your family” or “If you loved me, you’d end your friendship.” By attaching conditions to their approval and love, they create a sense of obligation and pressure. You’ll feel like you have to meet their demands to achieve their love or else they’ll reject you.
8. “You’re lucky I tolerate you.”
The narcissist in your life wants you to feel terrified of being alone, so they’ll use a phrase such as this one to make you feel dependent on them. They’re elevating themselves in the relationship while chipping away at your self-worth, creating a power imbalance in the relationship. If you believe you’re not easy for someone to date, you’ll doubt your value and rely on their validation for your self-worth.
9. “I’ve never met someone like you.”
At the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, they’ll lovebomb you by giving you a lot of praise and affection. They’ll make you swoon by sweeping you off your feet, telling you that you’re meant to be together or that they’ve never met someone like you. They want you to feel special so that you’ll give them more access to your life. This praise also serves to distract you from the red flags they’re showing early on in the relationship.
10. “Everyone always abandons me.”
To make you feel sorry for them, narcissists will play the victim card, such as by saying, “Everyone always abandons me.” They might also mention that you’re the only one who has ever cared about them to make you feel like they genuinely appreciate you. You might feel bad, trying to prove to them that you’re not going to hurt them like everyone else. But you’re falling into their trap because their real agenda is to manipulate you into meeting all their demands.
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