10 Things You Need To Understand About Your Ex If You’re Ever Going To Let Him Go

There’s plenty of advice out there about how to move on after the end of a relationship, but the truth is, you could technically do everything right after a breakup and still have a hard time getting over your ex. If you want to move on, you’ll need to come to terms with these 10 things first:

  1. He wasn’t right for you. Clearly if you two couldn’t make it work, there was something missing. Maybe the timing was off, or there was a dealbreaker you just couldn’t see past — whatever it was, you broke up for a reason. Regretting it and constantly wondering if you did the right thing isn’t going to help you move on, so just trust that the decision you made was the right one.
  2. He’s not a bad guy. Just because he wasn’t the right one for you doesn’t mean he’s not still a great guy who will make another girl really happy. You’ve probably used terrible judgement in regards to some of the guy’s you’ve dated, but then there are others who are perfect on paper — just not perfect for you.
  3. He probably taught you a thing or two. No relationship is a waste of time as long as you learned something from it. So instead of pining after what you don’t have anymore, try to appreciate the things you learned about yourself thanks to being with him and be grateful you got the chance to have him in your life at all.
  4. He deserves to be happy, too. A relationship requires both people to actually want to be in it if it has any hope of working out in the long run. If he wasn’t happy for some reason and there was no clear way to fix that, breaking up was the right thing to do. Coming to terms with the fact that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore is difficult, but ultimately necessary.
  5. He wasn’t going to change. People often fall into the, “If only he was more ___, our relationship would be perfect” trap. But chances are, he was never going to change, and if you stayed with him, you’d be settling — and you should never settle.
  6. He isn’t perfect. When you’re in “wanting him back” mode, it’s easy to forget all the things about him that drove you absolutely insane. When you broke up, you knew it would never work between you, but now all you can think about is what you threw away. If you keep putting him on a pedestal, you’ll never stop comparing new guys to him, and then you’ll never get over him.
  7. He wasn’t a complete waste of time. You dated him, so he must have had some good qualities, right? Keep the good memories close, but file them away as just that — memories. Sometimes a good relationship has to end, and you’ll be able to make peace with that a lot sooner if you accept that you didn’t do anything wrong. It just wasn’t meant to be.
  8. Breaking up probably wasn’t easy for him, either. It’s hard to think about an ex forgetting about you and moving on before the dust even settles on your breakup. It might help to remember that he cared about you at one point and your relationship did mean something — but it’s over now.
  9. He wasn’t the one that got away. Once you let regret take hold, it’s a lot harder to get over someone. Not only are you constantly second guessing your decision, but you’re wondering if there’s a chance you could get back together. The longer it takes to admit he isn’t your soul mate, the longer it’s going to be before you can finally say you’re officially over not just him, but the idea of him.
  10. He wasn’t the only important thing in your life. When you’re in a serious relationship, that person becomes wrapped up in how you define yourself and your life. But you have plenty of other things that make you who you are including your career, your family and friends, and your dreams for the future. Your relationship status does not define you so try to focus on what you have instead of what you’ve lost.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.