10 Things You Should Never Say To A Girl Who Likes Girls

For some reason, some people still find lesbians and bisexuals to be strangely fascinating (or just outright strange). While personally, I don’t really pay attention to what anyone thinks about my sexual preferences, there are some things people say to women who date/love/sleep with other women that are not only annoying AF but completely inappropriate and need to stop.

  1. “Have you ever slept with a guy?” Random strangers seem to really enjoy asking us this question when they learn that we’re gay/bisexual. It’s like, would you ask a straight person who you didn’t know about their sexual history? No, you wouldn’t (unless you had a serious lack of social etiquette), so why should I have to tell you if I’ve been with the peen or not? And why would it matter either way?
  2. “I bet I could turn you.” It’s pretty upsetting for some guys that women can have a great time without them. That’s why some act like utter buffoons and say stupid crap like this. The emphasis is on “some”, of course — I know lots of straight men who are totally cool and comfortable with themselves, so they don’t care what anybody else is doing. If only all guys were like that.
  3. “You don’t look like a lesbian.” To which I respond, “Oh, sorry about that. I left my plaid shirt and dockers at home.” What does a lesbian look like, anyway? What does a bi girl or a queer girl look like? Like a million different things, because we’re not a different species from straight girls. There are some butch lesbians, some androgynous, some femme, and some who fall outside of those categories. Chill TF out with this.
  4. “How does it work when you go out on a date?” Followed by, “Who pays?” etc. I’m sure some straight people envision lesbians having this mysterious courting ritual, but our dates work exactly the same as those of straight people. We hang out, go out for drinks, go out to eat, and split the bill most likely. The fact that we’re two women doesn’t really change how things go — not that much, anyway.
  5. “Who’s the more masculine one?” Hardly anyone is stupid enough to ask the question, “Who’s the man in the relationship?” these days, but some sneaky straight people have come up with new ways to ask the same stupid question. Ugh! Butch girls date femme girls, femme girls date femme girls, butch girls date butch girls and lot of girls don’t even identify as butch or femme, so relax. Not all relationships require testosterone, so get over it.
  6. “I wish I was into girls.” No, you don’t, so please STFU. Straight women who say this or something similar come across as ignorant as hell, whether they mean to be or not. I don’t know where they get the crazy idea that dating a woman would be simpler than dating a man. It’s double the PMS rage, and who would want that? In some ways, it’s probably even harder.
  7. “I totally have a girl crush on Beyonce.” Or Jennifer Lawrence or Margot Robbie or another babe. It’s cool, we like that you can appreciate your fellow females, but it depends on why you’re telling us about your woman crush. If it’s because you want to be a part of the club, then I’m sorry, but the answer is no. The thing is, you want to possess Beyonce’s booty, we want to caress Beyonce’s booty. There’s a big difference there.
  8. “What do two women even do in bed?” Or, “It’s not proper sex, though, is it?” It’s pretty much INFURIATING when people invalidate lesbian sex in this way. By some straight women’s standards, sex lasts for three minutes and only one person gets to have an orgasm (hint: it’s not them). I know which type of sex I would choose. Joking aside, no kind of sex is better or worse really – it is what it is, and who are we to judge?
  9. Micro-hate. Derogatory terms used as “a joke” or using the word “gay” as an insult isn’t cool anymore. More people (straight, gay or unicorn) are likely to think you’re unintelligent and ignorant for saying such things than applaud it, so what’s the point?
  10. Asking questions in front of lots of people. This goes for asking questions of any LGBTQ person. If there’s something you don’t understand, something you’re curious about, or you’re not sure if something is offensive or not, that’s fine. Sometimes you just don’t know, and we’re all human — but be respectful and have a quiet word with your LGBTQ friend. Sometimes we might not want to talk about the intricacies of scissoring in front of a big group of people, y’know.
Kelly is a freelance writer and editor from Manchester, UK.