Life is a bitch sometimes, and depression tends to be its favorite sidekick, eagerly waiting to kick you while you’re down. When you’re depressed, it’s hard just to get out of bed and function every day, but it’s even harder to deal with the ignorant and infuriating things others say when they’re trying to “help.” If you’ve ever said one of these things to a depressed person, please be aware that you’re not helping and you need to stop:
- “Just be glad you’re alive.” Gee, thanks, but we have a chemical imbalance in our brains that’s making us not so glad to be alive. We really wish it were that easy, but it’s not, so just try to be understanding for once.
- “All you need is to do is have a positive attitude.” First of all, when you say this, you’re insinuating that our depression is our own damn fault and that makes us feel like crap. Thanks so much; that’s just what someone needs to hear when they’re down. Also, it’s not that easy so just stop.
- “Just smile and it’ll all get better!” For someone who’s experiencing depression, it’s a feat just to get out of bed in the morning and function. Now we’re expected to fake a big smile just to make you feel better? Good luck with that; we’ll smile when we feel like we have something to smile about.
- “You think you have it bad? So-and-so has it so much worse.” This isn’t a contest, people. If someone else’s problems seem worse to you, that’s your own opinion and it does nothing to invalidate our feelings. Plus, this is another awesome way to make us feel like crap. Unless you enjoy making us feel like crap, please stop.
- “No one wants to be around you because you’re a downer.” First of all, if you’re the kind of person who only sticks around on happy sunny days, you’re not a very good friend. Second, this goes right back to blaming us for the very disorder we’re battling. If I haven’t emphasized it enough, allow me to reiterate how messed up that is.
- “People who attempt suicide are selfish/cowardly.” If you’ve never felt low enough to consider ending your own life, you should be really glad that you’re so fortunate. You should also stop judging because you don’t have a clue how it really feels to have that little hope. If you’re capable of finding a little compassion, that’s going to be way more helpful than your judgment.
- “Why can’t you just stop dwelling on/talking about your problems?” The answer is that we literally can’t because our brains won’t allow us. Also, we really need to feel like someone understands, and not everyone can afford to pay somebody to listen. If you really care, be there and listen for free.
- “Why are/aren’t you taking medication?” Unless you’re a medical professional, you have no reason to be asking this of anyone. Not everyone’s symptoms are severe enough to require medication, many people are broke/uninsured, and some of us would rather not lose ourselves in a pharmaceutical fog and/or become dependent on pills. We have our reasons for being on or off medications, and that’s our personal business.
- “I know how you feel… I had a bad day and felt down last Tuesday.” No, you don’t know how we feel just because you had a crappy day once and felt down. Everyone has those days occasionally; depression is more than an occasional bad day. Depression feels like you’re having a bad life and it just won’t get better. There’s a big difference, and you need to respect that.
- “Why don’t you feel like going out? It’ll be fun!” We appreciate the invitation, but life gets really exhausting and sometimes we just feel like sitting at home relaxing, taking a little time to process everything. Social events are emotionally exhausting for someone who’s barely keeping up with the necessities; give us a break when we need it. We promise it’s nothing personal.
