10 Things You Should Never Try To Change About A Guy

So you finally found a guy you’re into and he likes you back — great! But does he have a few flaws that you hope to change so he can be your “perfect” guy? You might want to rethink that. You might be able to help him recognize some of his faults and vice versa, but you simply can’t change someone if they don’t want that change themselves. So instead of trying to work with a “fixer upper”, you might want to throw that fish back into the sea if you really want to change these ten things about him.

  1. His ambition. When you’re really into a guy but he doesn’t have that much drive in the career department, you might feel tempted to push him. However, this could easily backfire, and this role will make you more like his mother than his lover. It’s not a sexy dynamic for either person. If his ambition is too low for you, then you might want to move on instead.
  2. His friends. Sometimes you just don’t get along with the people he considers good friends, but you should never purposely try to sabotage their relationship. Everyone should be able to make a decision about who their friends are, and if you don’t like them, then you simply don’t have to hang out with them.
  3. His family drama. Basically everyone has family drama, and when you become a couple, you become a team. This doesn’t mean you should get involved in his personal family dynamics, though, because you will lose. They’re family and you’re not, so if they don’t like you and for some reason he feels like something will have to change, it’ll be you! Instead, be a shoulder to cry on when things get tough, but leave him to fight his own battle unless he explicitly asks for your advice.
  4. His body. It doesn’t feel good when a person you think loves you try to change something so personal about you as your body, so why would you do that to him? In the end, you should be loving and never make negative comments about his body, because as long as he’s healthy and happy, isn’t that enough?
  5. His taste in music and TV. You can have a lot in common but still disagree in these areas. Chances are, you’ll be tempted to try and change what the other likes if things don’t align, but you might be disappointed. Instead, you should both practice compromising and take turns listening and watching things that one of you prefers.
  6. His unfaithfulness. Most cheaters are repeat offenders, and once you find out your man can’t keep it in his pants, you should cut your losses. He probably did it for many reasons, but they all mostly have to do with him and not you. Even if he tries to blame you, you should know it’s something he should work on by himself so you won’t get hurt.
  7. His gross habits. It could be nail biting or picking his nose, or farting or burping loudly on the couch. Either way, these types of habits that people have tend to have started when they were really little. Berating him every time you catch him doing these things is probably a lost cause because it’s now natural instinct. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t tell him if he’s being particularly gross in public, but in general, loosen up a bit.
  8. His past. A person can’t help what they did before they even met you. However, some of us want someone to be a miracle worker and make them try to change it, anyway. For example, if your guy has an ex that he still has to deal with because they had a kid, together then you have to be ready to deal with that, or you have to walk away.
  9. His goals. If a guy meets you with a plan in mind for his future already, then you should evaluate immediately whether you’re on board (and whether his plans actually include you). Even if you’re successful at making him change his goals, you run risk of him later resenting you, so you’re better off leaving it alone.
  10. His values. This is one of the most personal things about a person, so it’s something people get super defensive about. When someone is vulnerable enough to show you what they value, like religion or a political stance, then you should listen and think about whether you’re truly compatible. Once you get old enough to date, it’s really tough for people to change in this area so don’t fight a losing battle.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.