You probably know at least a few married couples and you’ve picked up on a few lessons here and there. While you may have a stack of solutions ready for possible scenarios, you should know that there are some things you likely won’t learn until after the actual wedding. No amount of advice can prepare you for everything you’ll deal with once you’re a spouse, but here are some things no one tells you about getting married that you should be prepared for.
Wedding planning can create drama.
Planning your wedding should be an exciting time, but usually, it comes with a lot of stress and drama, especially when the family is involved. Some people may overstep boundaries and get so excited that they make it about themselves, while others will fall short in fulfilling their obligations and responsibilities. Invitation cards and seating arrangements can become a nightmare if some family members disagree on the setup you choose. Just remember to breathe and embrace everything that comes with it.
Your last name doesn’t automatically change.
While the officiant may refer to you as Mr. and Mrs. so and so, your last name doesn’t automatically change with a marriage certificate. There’s another process you have to go through called a deep poll (depending on your country of residence) to officially change your name if you choose to do so. You’ll retain your birth name for all legal purposes until this is finalized. And given that it’s 2021, you definitely don’t have to take your spouse’s name. Do what’s right for you!
The honeymoon phase will end.
At the start of the relationship, the two of you were head over heels for each other. Well, that’s natural during the first stages of a relationship, but the butterflies in the stomach will fade. In fact, that likely happens way before you walk down the aisle. However, it comes back a bit after you say “I do.” There will come a time when the shine wears off of being newlyweds, but don’t panic – you’re settling into a new, comfortable stage of life.
Jealousy will happen after marriage.
A ring on your finger does symbolize a deep commitment to each other, but for some people, that doesn’t necessarily extinguish doubts. It’s natural to feel a little jealous if another woman shows hubby too much attention for your comfort, just as your husband might be suspicious if guys show you a little too much attention when you’re out and about. You’re human, it happens. The most important thing is how you deal with it. Instead of creating scenarios in your head, trust your partner and openly communicate your feelings.
Your relationship changes as you settle in your marriage.
When you get married, you won’t operate the same way. Now you have a life partner to consider in all your decisions, and some things that you considered normal before your marriage aren’t going to be considered normal after. Free drinks from guys at the bar or staying at the bar till the wee hours of the morning were normal before marriage, but after you’re hitched, these things are often scoffed upon. Marriage changes the way you used to live life, ultimately changing you.
You won’t always be on the same page.
Though you’re supposed to be a team, you won’t always be on the same page. You’ll argue and be mad at each other for hours, sometimes for things that don’t really matter. Experiencing rough patches and not wanting to be around each other is pretty normal even if it feels a bit scary. You need to know that this happens so when it does, you’ll know how to deal with these feelings instead of shutting each other out with passive-aggressiveness. Remember, marriage requires constant work and once you’re both willing to make things work, you have nothing to worry about.
You’re marrying your partner’s family too.
Even if you think your partner’s brother is a freeloader or their sister is a drunk mess, they’re your family now and you’ll have to deal with them. The moment you got married, you married the rest of the family as much as your partner married yours. You’re both expected to get along with each other’s families and participate in family activities. Good luck hanging out with Chatty Patty!
It might not be what you expected.
Everyone has expectations about what their marriage will be like, but most times, that’s never the case. It’s always growing and changing, sometimes for the better, other times not. There will be curveballs – all you can do is let love prevail.
Most of your fights will be over dumb stuff.
It sounds ridiculous to fight over leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to wash the dishes, but most married people are too ashamed to share the dumb stuff they fight over sometimes. Sharing the same space with someone isn’t always easy and sometimes the smallest thing can cause bickering. When this happens, revisit the reasons why you’re together, and if you genuinely think your partner’s taking you for granted, sit down and talk it out.
Your sex life will change.
There are many ways to keep your sex life active, but life gets in the way a lot. After a long day of work, there’s a huge chance you won’t be in the mood, and if you have weekend plans, there goes your orgasm. When kids come into play, they can easily become a block. Before, you may have been getting it on at least three times a week. After marriage, consider yourself lucky if it happens once a week. If you have kids, prepare for it to be even less. It’s normal and it’s okay – just make sure you communicate.
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