It’s not always easy being a strong, single woman. We have to deal with guys who are totally intimidated by us and we struggle to find someone who measures up. Luckily, we’ve figured out a few things along the way and we know exactly how to weed out a-hole
s before we waste our time, love and energy on them. Here’s how we do it:
We’re insanely picky.
No, we’re not being too picky — we’re being just picky enough. We listen closely to what a guy is telling us on the first date (or we read between the lines of online messages) so that we’er aware of any red flags that might pop up. We’re looking for a really good guy and that means we’re not going to stand for just anyone. He has to measure up, or we won’t even bother with a first date.
We don’t take first dates too seriously.
Sure, we’ll show up and be interesting and all that, but we’re not about to mistake a first date for the beginning of a fairytale romance. We approach a first date as simply the first chance we have to start getting to know a guy, and that means we can spot the jerks pretty fast. We don’t get disappointed if that’s the case, either. We know there’ll be plenty of losers before we find a winner.
We take what guys say at face value.
We’re not going to fall for the BS. While it might be tempting to convince ourselves that a guy who presents himself as a total loser is actually just “misunderstood” or “shy,” we know better than to try and make him something he’s not. What we see is what we get, and if we’re getting is a hot mess, we’ll exit stage left.
We’re cautious with our hearts.
If we go out with a guy, that doesn’t mean we see him as a potential boyfriend — that would be moving crazy fast. We’re super careful about who we date and that means we deal with dates as if they could turn from nice guys into total jerks at any moment. It takes a while for us to let down our guards and decide that it’s safe to relax a bit. Being guarded is the best way to make sure that a guy is who he seems.
We ask the right questions.
Finding out what his job is and where he’s from are pretty standard first date questions. We go one step further and try to figure out how he really feels about his life. We’re looking for someone who looks at life the way we do — like it’s seriously amazing and worth living every day as if it’s our last. If he’s super grouchy about the whole deal, we know he’s a jerk in disguise.
We don’t rush things.
If we move super fast and let ourselves fall for a guy, it’s going to take much longer to learn that he’s really the worst person ever. If we go slow, chances are that things will work out for themselves and he’s going to show us his true colors ASAP. We won’t be blinded by hormones or his amazing kissing skills and we’ll see him for who he truly is.
We have rules and we stick to them.
Yeah, we have some dating rules and no, we don’t think it’s a bad idea. It’s the greatest way to weed out jerks that we’ve found. We only stay on a first date for an hour or so — that way, if we like him, we can always go out a second time and spend more time together. If he’s a jerk, we didn’t waste that much time.
We insist on getting real.
We know we’re not supposed to chat about the upcoming election on a first date. So sue us. It’s actually the easiest way to tell if a guy is a total loser. He’ll have no problem telling us how he feels and we’ll have no problem leaving him behind. Same goes for any other important topics that are supposedly off-limits.
We’re upfront and honest, no matter how awkward that can be.
We’re not doing ourselves or the guys we date any favors if we’re not 100 percent ourselves, so we’re honest to a fault. We’re honest about how much we love to work. We’re honest about our thoughts and worries. We’re not pretending to be perfect. If he can’t handle that, he can’t handle us.
We have two very important dealbreakers.
We’ve figured out that narrowing dealbreakers down to a super small list is pretty effective. This is different for each one of us. Maybe we hate that he has no career ambition and also doesn’t have any hobbies. Or maybe he’s way too serious and seems immature too. Hey, it’s not like we want him to be a jerk — that’s why we keep going on dates. We just hope that by being smart about it, we’ll eventually be led to the right guy.
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