There are so many challenges that we as women have to learn to cope with, especially regarding sex. I went into adulthood wholly unprepared for what was to come and really wish that my sex education had been better. There are a few things in particular that I seriously wish adults would teach teens and young women.
- You don’t owe men anything. So many girls and young women go into relationships feeling like they ‘owe’ their boyfriend sex. This simply isn’t true. You’re not his property: he doesn’t get to sleep with you as and when he wants. You have a choice in this too and nobody should take your consent for granted. The same goes for any male friends that claim that you ‘owe’ them sex just because they’ve been nice to you. These idiots don’t seem to get that you should be nice to people because it’s the decent thing to do, not as a seduction technique.
- Lube is your savior. Nobody ever teaches you just how wonderful lube is. We all know it’s handy if it’s your first time, or if your partner is well-endowed in the penis department. However, fewer people realize that you can avoid a lot of day-to-day friction and discomfort just by using a pump of the stuff. Plus, we definitely need to make it known that lube allergies exist. Make sure to do a small allergy test before smearing lube all over your most delicate area.
- Being a virgin really isn’t a big deal. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 20. Up until that point, I genuinely believed that being a virgin made me defective or ‘lesser’ than other women, and thought that others (both male and female) would judge me for it. However, as soon as I had sex, my two decades of virginity became literally irrelevant. I’m actually glad it happened so late, as I wouldn’t have been ready for sex when I was a teen. Virginity doesn’t define you, and fades into insignificance as soon as it’s gone. You should have sex for the first time when you’re ready, and not just because you want to shed an arbitrary social construct.
- STIs are more common than you think. Using a condom during sex is the most effective way to prevent STIs: we all know it, and we all learned it in Sex Ed. It’s valuable advice for sure. However, nobody told us just how common these kinds of infections are, and how crucial it is to protect yourself. Even one instance of unprotected sex leaves you vulnerable. Regular STI testing is imperative, preferably before and after each new partner. My advice? Don’t forgo condoms until you know both you and the guy are clean.
- Female pleasure is just as important as that of men. Sexual education rarely seems to teach that women should get just as much pleasure from sex as men. We’re told that while we can orgasm, pleasuring us far too difficult a task for men to bother with. Um, have these people never heard of that little thing called the clitoris? It seems to me that it’s just an excuse for men to get what they want without having to make the effort to make it good for the woman too. We shouldn’t have to stand for that shit. Women deserve orgasms too!
- Sexual assault is serious—reporting it isn’t “overreacting” or being “too sensitive.” For decades, even centuries, society told women to keep quiet and “get over” sexual assault. Luckily, the tide does seem to be changing, and more and more women are coming forward. However, I didn’t fully understand this issue until I was at least in my twenties thanks to a lack of education. By that point, it was too late. I’d failed to report inappropriate behavior simply because I didn’t realize I could (or should). We need to start educating teenage girls about sexual assault. It’s horrible to have to, but the truth is, women of any age are at risk.
- Sexuality is fluid. The education system discusses sexuality in a shockingly binary way. People don’t just fit into the two opposing categories of ‘straight’ and ‘gay’: there’s so much more to sexuality than that. Bisexuality, pansexuality, demisexuality: these are just three of the very real sexualities that the current system erases. We need to teach our young girls that such labels exist and that it’s totally fine not to fit into any of them. Sexuality is a spectrum, and how an individual identifies is for them alone to decide. Thing is, they won’t get a chance to do that if we don’t teach them that all forms of queerness are acceptable.
- Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes—get to know yours. Public service announcement: there is no such thing as the ‘ideal’ vagina. Insidious influences like the porn industry have created this notion that vaginas have to be a certain size, shape, or color to be desirable. What utter nonsense! Every single vagina is perfect in its own way. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t worth your time of day. It’s important to get to know every single nook and cranny of your lady parts, and not just for reasons of aesthetics. It’s easier to spot any changes that could be down to health issues if you know what your genitals usually look like.
- Find the best birth control for you. At school, we learn that we should go on birth control to prevent pregnancy. So far, so accurate. However, nobody mentions that finding the right birth control for your body can actually be pretty tricky. Take me, for example. I started off on the pill; it gave me migraines. I moved on to the implant; it gave me a five-month-long period. The mini-pill wasn’t much better; not only did it I gain two stone thanks to it, I also couldn’t go more than about four hours without needing a nap. Eventually, the implant did decide to work well for me. However, I wish I’d been taught earlier that not every method suits every woman.
- Pee after sex to avoid UTIs. Nobody told me this golden piece of advice, and my god, I wish they had. UTIs are so, SO painful, and really common among sexually active young women. You end up glued to the toilet for hours or even days on end, and generally require a course of antibiotics before you’re free of them. However, all of the pain, discomfort, and annoyance that UTIs bring is super easy to avoid. Simply peeing before and after sex can really keep the bastards at bay! It helps to flush out any toxins or bacteria that have made their way into your ‘area’, stopping them from reaching your urinary tract and causing inflammation. Do it. Pee after sex. Seriously. It’s worth it.