Ever catch yourself wondering when you’d meet your perfect guy so that the two of you could combine forces and become an unstoppable whole? Stop right there. You’re not half a person, half a being or half anything. You already are whole—and you don’t need anybody to complete you. If you struggle to believe that, remember this:
- You’re well-equipped to deal with anything thrown your way—you don’t need a man to help you. You’d be surprised at what you can deal with on your own. The longer you’re alone, the better equipped you become to deal with whatever life tosses at you, but that’s the catch: you have to be alone to realize it.
- If you’re not happy without someone, you’re not going to be happy with someone. Finding a relationship for the sake of a relationship won’t make you happy if you aren’t already happy within. In order to experience a deep sense of satisfaction, you need to let go of the notion that anybody outside your personal circle of self is responsible for your happiness.
- There are fewer expectations when you rely solely on yourself. Think of it a second, though: if you rely only on yourself for your own stability, happiness, and general well-being, there’s far less of a likelihood that you’re going to end up disappointed — and if you are, you don’t have anyone to blame but yourself. Be forgiving and understanding of yourself. You’re cultivating a relationship with the most important person in your life: you.
- You can only grow so much in a relationship before your partner’s growth stunts your own—or vice versa. I’m not saying that all relationships are bad and end in doom and gloom, but the tiny little slice of pie from the chart didn’t realize it was getting so big until it couldn’t fit back into the pie. You know what I’m saying? If you don’t segment and compartmentalize yourself to “fit” into a relationship, you won’t have to worry about outgrowing it, or being outgrown.
- You can cultivate an entire network of people you can rely on, no questions asked. Men, women, family—you never have to worry about alienating someone because you have a significant other who doesn’t care too much for that totally platonic, totally male friend of yours and you don’t have to worry about running back to mom and dad whenever you’re moved to do so for fear of worrying that there’s someone thinking you need to “cut the cord” so to speak. When you have that kind of freedom to pick and choose your surroundings, it’s like being given free reign in Ikea or Pier One and not having to worry if someone likes the china pattern you chose.
- Wholeness is self-acceptance. And self-acceptance begins when you love yourself just the way you are: whether it’s stilettos or sweats, contouring makeup or a refusal to do your hair, this type of untouched self-acceptance is genuine through and through. No matter how much a partner smiles and nods at your zit days or your bloated days, nobody knows self-love better than you.
- Figuring things out on your own is really important. Whether it’s fixing a broken sink pipe or having to crawl underneath your house to replace an air filter for your HVAC unit, you’re challenged to do things, learn things and go beyond your comfort zone to stretch, grow and succeed. Doesn’t that feel really good in spite of anything else?
- Three words: books, cats, and tea. When you’re on your own, it’s basically a smorgasbord of doing whatever the hell you want. If that means reading the same “Hunger Games” book over and over while drinking endless amounts of English breakfast tea and housing more cats than most people are comfortable with, so be it. Being whole is being true to yourself, and if loving cats and tea are wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
- There’s much to learn from being alone. Nobody says you have to be without a man for the rest of your life, but it’s not bad to try it out for an indeterminate amount of time. I’m not saying celibacy clears your psyche or something way out there, because what I am saying is that by being alone we can often gain a much truer perspective on [fill in the name of a pressing issue here] when we’ve got ample time, zero pressure and no worries that we’re letting somebody down by feeling—or thinking—a certain type of way.
- It’s easier to live an authentic life when you aren’t marred by the actions and opinions of others. I get it: nearly everybody you and I both know is a conglomeration of everyone they hang out with. There’s even an old saying that goes something like, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you’re forcing yourself to be with someone for the sake of being with someone, then you’re settling. If you’re settling, then you know deep down inside that there’s a certain level of incompatibility. If you’re incompatible, it means that there are character traits that don’t mesh and aren’t true to who you are. Who’s got time to pretend they’re someone else when they could live their best life and love themselves just the way they are?
