10 Things You’re Doing That Scream “I’m A Doormat, Use At Will”

When you really like a guy, it’s easy to let your feelings cloud your judgment. So, how do you know when you’re being taken for granted? No one wants to feel like a doormat and you absolutely don’t deserve to be. If you spot yourself doing these 10 things, it might be time to start pulling back from the relationship.

  1. You’re ALWAYS free. We get it, you want to make time to see your guy. The thing is, if he knows that he can call you anytime of the day or night and you’ll be there ready and waiting, where’s the incentive to make a plan to go on a proper date? Being available last minute suggests to him that you have literally nothing better to do with your time than see him. Don’t let him get complacent, and be sure to be busy the next time he calls you last minute.
  2. He flakes more than he turns up and you let it happen. If your guy flakes on you constantly, chances are he knows that he can get away with it. Everyone has unforeseen dramas now and again, but if you’re getting canceled on more or less every week, you’re being treated like a doormat. Think twice before making plans to see a serial flake—it probably means you’ll be spending the evening alone.
  3. You bend over backward to accommodate him. What happens when your guy tries to change plans with you? Do you tell him he’s missed his chance for the time being, social butterfly that you are, or do you bend over backward to fit him into your schedule? You should never have to rearrange your own plans to make space for a guy, and if you catch yourself doing it on the reg, you’re probably making yourself too available for him. Of course, you want to see the guy you’re with, but if he hasn’t made arrangements with you, he can’t complain if you’re busy.
  4. You don’t give him time to miss you. A guy that wants to be with you every hour of every day is a rare find—most men need their space. Give your guy time to miss you and let him come to you next time he wants to meet up. The frustrating fact is that if you’re too available for someone, he’s almost guaranteed to lose interest. Give him time to miss you and you’ll enjoy the time you do get to spend together so much more.
  5. You catch yourself feeling resentful. If you’re the one putting all the effort into your relationship, it’s no wonder you’re feeling resentful. The thing is, often we can’t tell what’s led us to feel that way. If you catch yourself resenting your guy when he’s done nothing in particular wrong, ask yourself if you could be suffering from doormat syndrome. Do you feel like you’re always there for him when he constantly flakes? If so, consider if he’s really worth your time and energy.
  6. You don’t call him out on his crap. Do you let your guy’s behavior slide for fear of what will happen if you call him out? If so, it’s time to kick the habit. Not telling your BF when his behavior has pissed you off just gives him license to keep doing the same thing again and again. Assuming he’s not deliberately using you as a doormat, he needs to know what he’s doing wrong to have a hope of mending his ways. If he is doing it deliberately, on the other hand, it won’t hurt to let him know you’re onto him.
  7. You choose to overlook his negative qualities. Be honest with yourself, are you secretly well-aware that this guy isn’t treating you right? Sometimes, it’s easier to overlook all the things a guy’s doing wrong than to have a difficult discussion about his behavior. The problem is that it’s only you that suffers by letting things carry on as they are—the sooner you address the things that are bothering you, the sooner you can establish a relationship of mutual respect.
  8. You always pick up the phone when he calls. Do you find yourself dropping everything when you see his number pop up? Communication is the key to any relationship, but it can be harmful to make yourself too available. If you’re genuinely busy, don’t feel bad for making him wait—it’s exactly what he’d do!
  9. You let him come and go from your life. Your time and emotions are precious, and a guy who messes with either should be treated with caution. You wouldn’t let friends come and go from your life so easily, so be wary of changing your expectations for a guy. If he gets the impression that he can drop you and pick you up whenever’s convenient, he won’t feel the need to respect you. Be wary of welcoming someone back who hasn’t treated you right in the past—who knows when he’ll decide to walk out again?
  10. You never end up doing things on your terms. When was the last time you did something how you wanted? If you can’t answer that question straight away, it’s not happening frequently enough! A relationship is a two-way street, and if you’re putting in all the effort to make it work, it’s not going to last long-term. Start asking for what you want in the relationship, and if he runs a mile, you know you’ve escaped from a one-sided relationship.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.