Procrastination has to be my favorite vice ever. It has zero calories, it’s free, and it’s best done in sweatpants. It’s easy as hell, too – to procrastinate, simply don’t do something. That’s it, you’re done. And it feels sooo gooood. It’s a feeling that only fellow procrastinators will understand. Read this now… or, you know, later.
“Eh, I showered last week.”
It’s been a few days since you’ve taken a shower, but the shower is so far away. Plus you have to get naked and wash your hair and then dry off and stuff. It’s like, so much work, and so totally easy to put it off.
“It’s already 5 – I’ll never get to the treadmill.”
Sometimes you’d rather just stay fat than actually put on your workout clothes and go jogging or whatever, because how hard is that? And how much easier is it to watch Scandal instead of doing lunges and squats?
“Oh no – I’m gonna be late… again.”
You’re always late to stuff because you’re simply too busy doing nothing to get ready. It’s usually something like, “Just 5 more minutes on Pinterest!” and the next thing you know, you’ve got 10 minutes to be showered and dressed and out the door. Not gonna happen.
“Who needs sleep, anyway?”
You put off so much during the day that by the time you get to it, it’s late o’clock and you should be sleeping. You set everything aside until the last possible minute, and that minute is usually some time after midnight, at least.
“Future me is really messed up.”
Procrastination as terribly harmful, because there’s no immediate threat — you’re screwing future you over, not present you. Present you is happy browsing the Internet while you should be working. Future you is the one who’s going to be really messed up.
“I’ll get some groceries tomorrow.”
You’re always low on food in your house because you can’t get your act together to go to the damn grocery store. Sometimes you’ll play the ole “How long can I survive solely on delivery?” game. But then you’re too lazy to even order delivery because you’re trying to catch up on the work you’ve put off all day and… well, you get the picture.
“I work best under pressure.”
You tell yourself this because it’s the only way you can get through it. If you make ourselves believe that you truly work best under pressure, then you won’t be kicking ourselves when we’re facing a deadline in 5 minutes. It’s what you do. It’s how you survive.
“Just one more episode…”
Netflix binging and you’ll start that report/start getting ready/start getting to bed after “just one more episode…” which usually turns into 2, and then 3, and then the next thing you know you’ve watched an entire season and you’re even more screwed than you were before.
“There aren’t enough hours in the day!”
Whenever you mess up and don’t have something due on time, or whatever it is you’re supposed to have done, it’s because there wasn’t enough time, not because you didn’t use your time well.
“What’s the worst that could happen?”
Sometimes, even though you have the best intentions, you don’t always pull it off – your procrastination truly screws us over, and whatever you were supposed to have done did not, in fact, get done. So instead of freaking out, you just ask yourself, “Hey, what’s the worst that could happen here?” Well, a lot of stuff. But you’ll worry about that later.
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