It’s depressing to think that there were warning signs from the first moment I started dating my ex telling me that we shouldn’t be together that I ignored, but it’s true. I stayed with him for five long years in spite of all of the red flags and I seriously wish I hadn’t.
The sex was kinda bad from the first time we slept together.
Honestly, the sex didn’t really feel good until about the fifth time, and even then it wasn’t the best I’d ever had. When we first started talking, I tried something different with him: I didn’t have sex with him right away. I wanted to be a “good girl” for once, but the joke was on me. I fell for him before we had sex, so I was already emotionally invested when we finally did. I should have ended things after the second mediocre time.
He was a selfish lover.
I went down on him more times than any girl should have to—in fact, it was expected of me while I was on my period. And no, he never reciprocated. I think in the entire five years of dating, he went down on me a total of five times… and he sucked at it. He reasoned that he “didn’t like it.” What straight man doesn’t like being that up close and personal with a woman’s vagina? It was also blatantly obvious that when we had sex, he only had himself in mind. He didn’t care if I got off—when he got off, we were done.
He never took my top off during sex.
It was very rare that we had sex while being completely naked. He was always undressed but I always had my top on. He did, however, make sure that my boobs were popped out of my bra. You know what that means, right? He didn’t like my stomach because it was a bit pudgy. Douche.
He always wore a condom even when I was on the pill.
He was a stickler about condom usage. I actually think it’s really weird that we dated for so long and he was never inside me without one. I get that it’s important to have safe sex, but he would never be inside me without a condom. He would also pull out every time. Talk about being extra cautious! Like dude, I’m your girlfriend, not some one night stand. He also had this really strange ritual after sex. He slid the condom off, went to the bathroom, filled it with water, and squeezed it to make sure there weren’t any leaks in it. Every. single. time. The first time that happened, I should have run the other way.
There was never any post-sex cuddling.
Because of this ritual he had, we never cuddled post-sex. If that doesn’t scream emotionally unavailable, I don’t know what does. I literally felt like a booty call when I’d lay in bed naked, get up and put my clothes back on, and go back to whatever we were doing before sex.
Any talk about marriage pissed him off.
For a period of time during our relationship, he deactivated his Facebook. One night, we were on the phone and I’d seen earlier that day that one of his friends had gotten engaged. I told him to share the news and he got pissed. Why? He thought I was telling him the story to hint that I wanted to get married. What? Not even, dude. Also, when he first met my parents, he got the feeling they were “trying to marry me off” because they were talking about a friend of mine from high school whose wedding they were invited to. Um, that’s reaching a bit, but OK.
I found other girls’ numbers in his phone.
We were long distance for the first two years of our relationship since he graduated college before me. He was living in a new city by himself while I was away at school and I clearly didn’t trust him because I would look through his phone when we were together every chance I got. He had other girls’ numbers in his phone and I knew he’d gotten them since we got together because of the area code. It matched the new city he was in, which was a place he had never lived in before.
I asked him multiple times if he cheated on me.
The fact that I even had to ask should have been enough of a sign. He lied, of course, and I know it for a fact, but I still brushed it off and stayed with him.
He got mad at me when I went to the hospital.
For a few weeks, I’d been getting these really bad stomach pains and I wasn’t sure what they were. I was afraid they might have something to do with my ovaries and having HPV, I panicked and decided to go to the hospital, where they discovered that I was having a gallbladder attack. They gave me morphine for the pain and advised me to call someone to bring me home. My ex was mad when I called to tell him I was in the hospital because I’d interrupted his study time (he was studying for a certification test at the time). We got into a fight over my health and he acted like he was going to break up with me. What the actual hell?
He didn’t come to the hospital during my surgery.
I had to have my gallbladder removed. It was an outpatient surgery, so it was just a one-day deal and I could go home. It was on a weekday and I asked him if he was going to take the day off to come to the hospital with me and he said no. He didn’t think there was a difference between waiting at the hospital and just being at work and seeing me later. Yes, real supportive, that one. I’m so glad he’s no longer in my life.
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