It’s not rocket science — there are definite signs that let you know whether a guy is even worth a try from the very beginning. If he’s not showing promise in every single one of these areas, you might want to take a step back and reevaluate:
- His approach. Does he come to you like a normal, mature man and ask for your number and give you proper appreciation or does he play games, pull passive-aggressive BS and try to get you to make the first move? If he doesn’t show his interest without hesitation and expects you to chase him then you probably shouldn’t even bother. The way he asks you out speaks volumes about how he approaches any challenge in his life. If he’s a scaredy-cat now, just imagine what he’ll be like when the going gets tough.
- His manners. He absolutely has to show you respect — that’s not negotiable. You should never, ever accept less from anyone. Why would you go out with someone who doesn’t treat you well? If he’s not polite, attentive, respectful and genuine…well, he doesn’t deserve a minute of your time. He can treat you nicely without treating you like a child. Chivalry is not misogyny. If he doesn’t understand the difference, just don’t.
- His positivity. Does he approach life with vigor and joy or does he spend all his time complaining? This will determine the line your relationship takes, so pay attention. It’s very easy to become dragged down by a partner’s negativity. You want to be with someone who loves life and motivates you, not someone who wants to complain over a bottle of wine every night. That gets old real fast, and then what else is there to discuss? Nothing. Don’t lose your happiness because he doesn’t have any.
- His interest in what makes you, you. If he doesn’t concern himself with learning about you and what makes you tick, he’s just using you. Either he wants a free therapist or he wants to get laid. It’s never more complicated than that. If all he does is talk about himself, whether it’s about all his problems or how wonderful he is, then he’s a bore. He’s so interested in him that he has no room to be interested in you. You don’t need that crap. There’s a better guy out there — believe it.
- His creativity. You want to be with someone who takes the time to be creative with dates and with life. It’s very difficult to be in a relationship with a person who doesn’t have a creative side. It gets very boring very quickly. You can get a great idea of how creative he is by looking at the dates he plans. Does he plan dinner-and-a-movie nights without much thought behind them or does he cater his choices to reflect your interests and those things that the two of you have in common? It’s important.
- His honesty. His ability to be truthful with you from the very start also tells you a lot about him as a person. If he has the strength and confidence to tell you anything, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, you know that you’ll be able to trust him later on. You need a man who is comfortable with himself and who can let himself connect with you without fear of rejection or hurt. There’s no future in someone who feels the need to put up a front.
- His enthusiasm for life. Is he down for whatever? Is he always game to try new activities and go new places? This is the guy you want. You want someone to adventure with, not someone who wants to lie around on the couch all weekend. If he’s miserable at his job and spends his free time drinking and complaining about everything – not a good sign. Life’s too short for that crap, and you know it. Find a man who understands.
- His desire to grow. Don’t get stuck with a man-child. It’s the worst. You want an adult who knows that life is a journey. You want a guy who keeps developing and growing and striving to be a better human being. If he’s stagnant, your relationship will in turn be stagnant. You can tell pretty early on what kind of guy he is — and whether he’s worth the effort you would put into a partnership.
- His foresight. Does he think about life in the long term or is he only concerned with the next best thing? Does he have patience and endurance, and can he handle bumps in the road? You don’t want the guy who’s going to run away at the first sign of difficulty, and there are plenty of those out there. You need someone who can stay committed to something for the long haul, and you can tell by his level of commitment to the other areas of his life.
- His relationships. How does he treat his family and friends? How and why did his past romances end? These are important insights into his character. You can tell so much by how someone treats the important people in his life. You can learn a lot about him by how he treats people in general as well. Pay attention because you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t respect others. It’s not attractive. You want someone loving and giving and considerate and kind.
