Women can be stubbornly talented at keeping bad relationships together. We’re determined to make it work no matter what because we don’t want to be alone again. This is a huge mistake for a multitude of reasons, because if any of these things are happening, there’s no way it’ll ever work out:
- There’s no real connection. Don’t act like you don’t know the difference. Even if you’ve never had one, something in your soul is aware of that missing piece. When you have it, you’ll finally understand what’s been lacking this whole time. It’ll be so suddenly, stupidly clear.
- Everything that bugged you in the beginning is still a problem. You hate smokers but you just liked him so much you decided to look the other way? How’s that working out for you? My guess would be terribly! If you have non-negotiables, they’re supposed to be just that. Don’t bend your own rules unless they’re totally stupid and you’re being a loser. When it’s something you know is going to be a problem down the road, you can’t just hope that he’ll stop it or change for you. There are no guarantees.
- He doesn’t have the same core values you do. This is always going to be an issue, sweetie. Sorry to break it to you. Don’t ignore glaring differences in the way you two see the world. If you value family, friends and stability above all else, while he’s an aloof workaholic who never wants to settle down in one place, how do you make that happen? It’s best to figure this out early so you can separate before it gets too complicated.
- He doesn’t respect you, or women in general. No way — don’t make me smack you. How you’re even with him in the first place, I don’t know. Maybe he hid his true feelings or once treated you respectfully and then let his facade slide. It doesn’t matter. In my opinion, a man who isn’t a feminist is no man at all. There’s nothing masculine and macho about being a chauvinist, misogynistic, ignorant jerk. Go get the guy who knows and appreciates the supreme awesomeness of females.
- He belittles or makes fun of you. Whether in public or private, this is never OK. It demonstrates a basic lack of respect for you as a human being, let alone as his romantic partner. There is a difference between gentle, loving teasing and simply being mean. I think we all know that difference, but sometimes choose to ignore it. Don’t. If he’s patronizing, condescending or just a straight-up a-hole, say bye-bye.
- He treats you differently when you’re with his friends. It doesn’t matter whether they’re your friends or his. I know that I’ve dated guys who were great to me in private, but as soon as we were around others, they acted strange, distant, or downright rude. I don’t know what BS insecurities were coming into play there, but I don’t mess around with that kind of immaturity. How he treats you when it’s just the two of you is immaterial if he’s not behaving the same way in social situations as well.
- The sexual spark isn’t there. Maybe it’s simply faded. Maybe it never existed in the first place. Either way, a lack of sexual chemistry is a huge issue. Hopefully if you’re really in love and connected you can maintain a great sex life without an overwhelming amount of work. Even if it’s a struggle, both of you must be ready and willing to work at keeping the spark alive. If he doesn’t communicate and try and truly care about making the sex awesome again, find someone who will.
- You hardly share any common interests. There’s no excuse for letting this become a problem late in a relationship. This is something you figure out right in the beginning when you’re doing that whole getting-to-know-each-other thing. He’s all about sports, lifting, racing cars and playing video games. You love the outdoors, the arts, dancing and anything crafty. Run. Away. Now. There is no hope for the two of you. I don’t care how amazing the sex is.
- Your friends and family don’t approve. I’m not talking about your one loser of a friend who’s always single and bitter so she hates every boy you date. I’m saying that if everyone else in your life is worried that you’re making a bad choice, there’s reason to listen. Yes, you have to do what you feel is right for you, but sometimes you’re so blinded by lust or infatuation that you have a hard time seeing the truth. It’s not a bad idea to give their words some weight.
- You don’t see the same future for yourselves. Now I’m talking about the big issues. These are the problems you just can’t get around, no matter how hard you try. Example: you want kids more than anything, but he has no intention of ever starting a family. I’ve broken up with someone because of this very issue, and let me tell you – it was a problem from the very beginning. Neither of us wanted to face the reality of it because we cared about each other so much. Realistically, we never should’ve let it get that far. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
