Liking someone can bring out the best and the worst in us. At first, we’re focused on giving a good impression because we’re trying to get them to like us, but after a few weeks, that “best foot forward” attitude starts to waver and the panic sets in. The worst part about liking someone is when you realize you now have something to lose, so it’s natural to start acting a little crazy. Thankfully, you can keep your guy (and your dignity) if you follow these steps:
- Cool it on the social media stalking. While it’s super tempting to lurk through his old Facebook photos until you find one of his high school ex-girlfriend, don’t. All you’ll do is add fuel to the fire of your insecurity and make it so you can’t enjoy what’s actually happening. Also, that Instagram like button is way too easy to accidentally press when you’re 52 weeks deep. Save yourself the embarrassment and lame explanation now.
- Don’t bring up your exes. Opening up to someone about your past is one thing, and when it happens naturally, it’s great. But if you’re constantly talking about how your last boyfriend never appreciated you or talking about how much of a heartache you had over your most recent breakup, you might as well be walking around with a big sign that reads: “I’M NOT OVER IT.” Just make it a rule that unless he asks, he doesn’t need to know.
- Or any of your relationship baggage. This goes for any one-night stands, friends with benefits situations, or when you had that weird flirty Snapchat relationship with your younger brother’s college roommate. Guys usually don’t like to talk intense feelings right away, and they don’t like thinking about the girl they’re with being with other guys. If you combine both of those things, you have a recipe for pretty much the worst conversation ever.
- Shift the conversation to the other person. If you feel yourself walking into crazy territory (i.e. revealing that you now follow his aunt on Twitter), simply direct the conversation back to him. The more you guys talk about him and his life, the less the pressure is on you, and that’s all you’re dealing with right now — pressure. Pressure to say the right thing. Pressure to not spill wine on your white dress. Pressure to not screw it up because you actually like this one. The less you’re thinking about you and your issues, the more fun you’ll have.
- Avoid too much trash talking. Most guys are not a fan of drama. They really don’t want to hear about how your high school best friend stabbed you in the back during Homecoming 2012 or why you’re no longer friendly with the bartender at Chili’s. Keep the gossip to the very minimum. It makes room for conversations that actually matter.
- Don’t ask him about his romantic history. Again, let’s just stop talking about everyone’s exes. I know it’s juicy and interesting and about as close as you’ll get to reading someone’s diary, but it has a great potential to ruin things if it’s brought up too soon. Let him take the lead on when to have those kinds of talks, and just trust you’ll know all his dirty laundry in good time.
- Keep plans for the future to a very minimum. The fear of something ending before it’s barely begun can motivate us to try to lock in some time for the future. While it’s uncomfortable to not know for sure when (or if) you’ll see him again, you’ll look a lot saner if you’re not always trying to plan the next date. Get comfortable with the unknown and trust that if he really likes you, he won’t go too long without seeing you again.
- Stay super busy. In the meantime, don’t wait around. Meeting a guy is great, but it’s not everything. The absolute worst thing you could do for yourself is to make him (a guy you’re still getting to know) the biggest thing in your life right now. Find some other goal or dream to tackle and make that your number one priority. You’ll feel much happier and much more in control when the guy is number two.
- Don’t delete your Bumble/Tinder/dating app of choice right away. It’s tempting to call it quits on dating altogether when you’ve met someone who you think you could see yourself with. But don’t confuse what you’d like to happen with what’s actually happening. He’s not your boyfriend yet, so you shouldn’t be thinking of him like he is. Keep your dating apps going, talk to guys, go on dates and remind yourself that you’re still a happily single lady.
- Make a list. If you’re not sure how to get your focus off the man and keep your crazy to a minimum, then you need to start by getting it all out. First, call your best confidant and tell her/him all the crazy stuff you’re thinking. You’ll feel better getting it out of your head, and they’ll probably tell you not to worry. Then, with a clear mind, make a list of all the things you’d like to do that have nothing to do with the guy. Once you start checking off items and filling your life with awesome stuff you love, you’ll realize there’s no need to be crazy.
