10 Ways To Get Over Your Fear Of Commitment

10 Ways To Get Over Your Fear Of Commitment ©iStock/CoffeeAndMilk

Settling down can be difficult for the best of us. For those of us who are afraid of getting serious, it can be torturous. If your fear of commitment is holding you back from love, try these 10 ways to move past it and embrace love 100 percent:

  1. Fix yourself. You’ll never be able to truly give yourself to someone else if you can’t be a whole person on your own. Are you depressed? No man is going to fix that. Dealing with your own issues is the first step to making sure you’re open to a relationship.
  2. Learn to depend on others. Being able to lean on others when you need to is just as important as having your independence. You need to be able to let others in and accept help when it’s needed. Relationships are about partnership, so learn how to put trust in others.
  3. Forget the failures. Something is holding you back, and it just may be your previous relationships. That doesn’t mean you’re still in love with your ex, it just means that you were hurt and you’re afraid of being hurt again. Failing is a big part of life, but that doesn’t mean you should ever stop trying.
  4. Find a good example. In a world where roughly half of marriages end in divorce, it’s easy to get down on commitment. What about the survivors? The people still so in love after 50 years? That’s a real thing, so start focusing on good and forget the bad. You’ll never be able to truly invest in love if you don’t.
  5. Forgive your enemies. Whether it was a bad breakup or a lousy excuse for a father, you can’t let the memory of being let down by a guy keep you down. If anger is holding you back, you need to find a way to let it go, because your love life is depending on it.
  6. Find the right guy. The right guy will make you want to settle down, despite the fact that you might still be afraid. The fear won’t go away just because you got butterflies, but finding someone that makes you want to overcome your fear just may be the push you need to actually do it.
  7. Decide what you want. What do you truly want out of your life? Do you secretly want to settle down and have a family, or would you rather be on your own? Think about what you really want your future to look like, and then be honest with your partner.
  8. Put yourself out there. A relationship depends on you being vulnerable with another human being. If you’re constantly hung up on the idea that your partner might hurt you, then you’re holding yourself back from love.
  9. Appreciate your boyfriend. If you’re constantly wanting more, then you aren’t appreciating the love that you have. Stop comparing your relationship to everyone else’s and think of what’s enviable about your own. All you should want is the person you are with, and love him for exactly who he is.
  10. Share your fear. A fear of commitment can stem from the idea that you’ll be giving up your freedom. So share your fears, expectations, and ideals. Your partner will be there to comfort you and assure you that a relationship doesn’t mean giving up yourself, but instead finding comfort in companionship.

Remember that you’re not alone in your fear of commitment, and you can overcome it. It can take some time and hard work, but it will all be worth it when you find that special someone.

Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.