10 Ways You Let Your Relationship Define You Without Even Realizing It

Your life changes when you suddenly have someone to share it with, and while it’s natural to want the world to know how happy you are, there’s a thin line between being enthusiastic about love and downright obsessed with it. Here are 10 signs you’re letting your relationship define you without even realizing it:

  1. You don’t show up to events without your significant other.  It’s always more fun going places when you have someone to go home with, but you shouldn’t let a lack of a date prevent you from going out. Even if your significant other can’t make it, you shouldn’t use that as an excuse to bail on plans. If you don’t feel comfortable going places without your guy then it’s definitely a sign you’ve become too dependent on him. You need your own independence if you want your relationship to remain strong.
  2. You stop hanging out with your old single friends. It’s harder hanging out with single friends while you’re in a relationship since you don’t want anyone to feel like a third wheel, but you shouldn’t let your relationship status get in the way of your friendships. You should be able to hang out with your friends without your partner — and without anyone feeling like extra baggage.
  3. You’re too loud about your relationship on social media and in person. If you’re the type of person that likes to brag about your significant other to everyone, you need to ask yourself why you do it. It’s not healthy to need everyone to know that you’re part of a couple. If this is something you feel, you might like the idea of a relationship more than the actual relationship itself. 
  4. You judge others based on their relationship status (or lack thereof). If you’re becoming too defined by your significant other, you’ll start to judge others based on their relationship status. You’ll compare yourself and your lover to other couples and will question what’s wrong with someone when you find out they’re single. However, judging other people’s romantic lives in this way is obviously unhealthy and will only make you more obsessed with the superficial aspects of your own relationship.
  5. You always check with your partner before doing something. Even if you don’t seek his permission, per se, it can be harmful if you’re constantly asking for your partner’s approval before doing something. You shouldn’t need his okay to go shopping with the girls or to go out for drinks. It’s all right to let your partner know what you’re up to and to be courteous of his feelings before planning something, but don’t get in the habit of always seeking his consent before making other plans.
  6. People say you’re too dependent on your boyfriend. If other people are beginning to notice, it’s a telltale sign that you’re becoming too obsessed with your relationship. Perhaps it’s even intervening in your other relationships. People are probably saying you’ve changed since making things official, which isn’t an uncommon thing to happen. Take people’s observations seriously if they say you and your guy are attached at the hip in a bad way.  
  7. You only do things you and your guy are both interested in. It makes the relationship more fun when you and your partner can enjoy activities together. However, you also shouldn’t stop doing the things you love just because he doesn’t. You shouldn’t change who you are as a person for the sake of your relationship. Making sure you’re still pursuing your own interests and passions is crucial to ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself as well as your relationship.
  8. You never take time apart to be alone. We all need time to rest and recharge by ourselves, no matter how much we may enjoy socializing. When you become too consumed by your relationship, you’ll find yourself with zero time alone, which can have a huge impact on your mental and emotional health. Make sure you and your partner have boundaries and are able to have time apart. Spending every waking moment with him isn’t the sign of a healthy relationship; it’s actually a sign that you might need to take a break sooner or later.
  9. You wouldn’t know how to cope if you were suddenly single. Before your partner came into your life you were single, so you could totally manage if you suddenly found yourself single again. However, if you feel like this wouldn’t be the case, you have a problem. If your relationship is the center of your world, of course you’ll feel petrified by the thought of breaking up. Breakups are usually inevitable, so don’t let it get to the point where you feel like your entire life depends on your relationship.
  10. You put too much pressure on where your relationship is going. Perhaps you catch yourself thinking about the future too often or you put a lot of pressure on your partner to make plans. You want the entire package: a big wedding, a nice house, and an adorable family. However, if you’re only thinking about these things because it feels like something you have to do, that’s not good. You should want to take further steps in your relationship because you love your partner, not because you have such high expectations. If you’re putting too much pressure on planning for the future in your relationship, things are going to break down eventually.
Alexandra is a freelance writer in Montreal, Quebec. She enjoys shopping as a sport, Buffy the Vampire Slayer re-runs, and being a plant mom.