10 Ways To Make Commitment Less Scary

10 Ways To Make Commitment Less Scary ©iStock/Wavebreakmedia

It’s a total myth that only guys are scared of commitment. If you’ve ever gotten a funny feeling in your chest when someone asked you on a second date, then you know that even if you’re interested in being in love, it’s not always that simple. It doesn’t have to be that way. Here are 10 ways to make commitment less scary:

  1. Pace yourself. Even if you do want to get married, picturing your first date as your husband is an awful idea. Love is a process. You don’t need to know everything about this guy right this second. Trust the journey and focus on each small step – the first date, the second one, and so on.
  2. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of. You’ve met an amazing guy. He’s cute, he’s actually got a sense of humor, and he seems interested in getting to know you better. Score. But instead of enjoying it, you’re freaking out about losing the single life you hold so dear. Stop and ask yourself what you’re so scared of. What are you actually worried about? Of course you’ll still see your friends and watch your shows and do what you love. You’re just adding someone special to your life.
  3. Embrace it. You probably won’t become totally cool with commitment immediately. You have to give yourself some time to get used to the idea. Embrace how you’re feeling, but put a time limit on it. Tell yourself that if you don’t start feeling normal about dating this guy for a month or two, that’s a sign that this isn’t the right path for you to go down.
  4. Be honest with him. Honesty is usually the best policy and yet that’s not how we date these days. We ghost, we ignore, we skirt around issues. If you’re into someone but want to go slow, why not tell him that? Just make it clear that you do really like him or he’ll get the wrong idea. Chances are he’s a bit apprehensive too.
  5. Be honest with yourself. You know when you like a guy and when you’re forcing yourself to because he’s nice or not a total creep/weirdo. If you only pursue people that make you feel something, then commitment won’t seem so crazy or scary.
  6. Know that you can get out anytime. Just because you’ve met someone cool and want to date them doesn’t mean you have to feel that way forever. Give yourself permission to leave whenever you want to and you won’t feel so stuck or trapped. Hopefully you’ll end up falling for this one and you’ll never want things to end.
  7. Keep a secret. It’s usually a sure sign that we like a guy when we gush to our girlfriends and text them from the bathroom on the first date. If you want some time to think about how you feel, then why not keep your new love interest a secret for a while? It may feel a bit dishonest but it doesn’t have to. At least you’ll know it’s real.
  8. Picture the future. You still shouldn’t think about marriage on the first date, but thinking about your future is crucial when you’re considering entering a new relationship. If you let this guy go, how will you feel? Will you be OK staying single for a little while longer or do you want your future to include him?
  9. Commit to something. Go vegan for a month. Swap yoga for cardio. Learn to paint. If you can prove to yourself that you can commit to something that has nothing to do with a relationship, that might help.
  10. Try again. The nice thing about life is that even if we mess up, there’s always another opportunity to try again. So don’t beat yourself up if you need some time to yourself before you get back into the dating scene. Just because you’re not quite ready to commit right this second doesn’t mean you’ll never be.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.