10 Ways Making Friends As An Adult Is Even Harder Than Dating

If you think that dating is tough, then try making platonic connections as an adult. While it may seem like making a new friend would never be as awful as trying to find that special someone, the opposite is actually true. Here are 10 ways that making friends as an adult is the absolute worst:

  1. Everyone is busy AF. The very definition of modern life is busy. Everyone is always rushing around working, heading to a barre class, meal prepping, trying to make time for their signification other (or trying to make time to date), and having some form of a social life. It’s tough to think that someone would have time for you… or that you would even have time to add someone to your friend group.
  2. It feels weird making the first move with a potential friend. When you connect with someone on social media or reach out to a friend of a friend, you honestly feel like you’re asking them out on a friend date. You wonder if they think that you’re a total weirdo or if they agree that you have some stuff in common and should hang out. You may have no issues about making the first move with a new guy, but you’re full of nerves when it comes to talking to a potential friend.
  3. You feel insecure. You may be strong and independent but sometimes, you can’t help but feel like you’re just not good enough. There’s something about girl culture that makes you think that your hair isn’t straight enough, you don’t wear makeup the way that you should, and that every other female is laughing at you. It’s like being in high school all over again.
  4. Some people just don’t want new friends. While not every guy that you connect with online wants to go out with you and not every guy that you meet IRL has a crush on you, you can at least guess that some dudes are going to want to go on a first date. Since most people want a relationship, you know that your dating dry spells are only a matter of time and eventually, you’ll have some dates scheduled. The same thing can’t be said for making friends. Some people feel like they already have enough friends and they’re not interested in adding to their social circle.
  5. It’s hard enough making plans with people you already know. Seriously, just try asking your BFF to grab dinner with you next week. You’ll hear that she’s got a ton of stuff going on from a yoga class to a birthday dinner to a work event. If you try to make plans with more than one person for the same evening, good luck. That’s as tough as coming up with public policy.
  6. People flake, cancel plans, and don’t have room for a new friend. When your best friends reschedule plans, it’s not a big deal. You know them, you love them, and you’ll obviously see them another time. When a potential new friend flakes on you, it sucks even more than when a guy cancels a date. It’s tough not to feel bad about yourself and like you’re just not cool enough for this new person.
  7. It’s not easy finding someone you connect with platonically. Sometimes it’s easier to date a guy that you don’t have a ton in common with thanks to the whole physical attraction and chemistry thing. You may not care if your boyfriend watches the same TV shows as you because you get along and, well, he’s super hot. You’re not going to make a new friend if you don’t share the same interests. Why would you? If you like some niche things, then it might be tough to find friends.
  8. You don’t meet new people often. Between your job and your existing friends, you probably don’t meet a ton of new people. Your life is pretty set up and stable. If you want to make new friends in an organic way, then that might not always be in the cards.
  9. Jealousy is a thing. Have you ever met a friend of a friend at a party, gotten a girl crush and wanted her to be your new BFF? Of course, right? Sometimes, she doesn’t feel the same way and it could be because she’s jealous of you and your lifestyle. It’s not that you’re cocky and think that everyone adores you. You’re just being realistic about the fact that being a green-eyed monster is an unfortunate part of being female. Some girls just can’t get over their negative feelings toward you.
  10. Real life gets in the way. You could have every intention of getting to know a new person and inviting them into your world… and then real life happens. You focus on other stuff. Your work life gets nuts. You change your diet or take up a new work-out or go on a trip. If your life is as crazy as everyone else’s, making new friends might never happen for you, and that kind of sucks.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.