10 Ways You Could Be Scaring Him Off Without Even Realizing

It feels like some guys will find any excuse to run from a relationship the minute things get a bit too real. A lot of them get scared way too easily, and while that’s not our problem to deal with, it’s not likely to change anytime soon and there are some ways we can make the transition from casual to serious a little less daunting for the skittish among the male gender. You may not think doing these 11 things is a big deal, and to more relaxed dudes they probably wouldn’t be, but they could send your guy running for the door:

  1. Talking too far in the future. Some guys can freak out if you’re trying to make plans with them too far in the future. Planning for a concert in a couple of weeks or a party this weekend is fine, but try to lock them down for your cousin’s wedding in three months and they freak out. If you’ve been together for a year or more and he’s still bugging out, that’s one thing, but if the relationship is a bit fresher and your plans can wait, maybe do him a solid and hang onto them a bit longer.
  2. Making it feel too comfortable too soon. It’s pretty much impossible to understand the male psyche so you shouldn’t even bother to try. One of the most baffling things is that for some ridiculous reason if a guy is too comfortable with you too early in the relationship, he might freak out. You would think he’d be happy to find a woman he feels relaxed and content with, right? No. Don’t make it too normal when it’s early on, or he might get worried. I know, it’s backward logic and you shouldn’t make yourself UNcomfortable, but try and go with it.
  3. Making him feel too special. You really like him, right? So maybe you get him his favorite candy bar or bake his favorite treat. NO! Sirens should be going off in your head. This might make him freak out and think you’re trying to buy him and take things too far too fast. Be sweet, send a nice text (one, not 12) and leave it be. Save the gifts for when he’s your actual boyfriend. This is kind of known as “playing hard to get” in a sense, not because you’re trying to play games but because you want to keep him interested and make him work for it.
  4. Getting too crazy too soon. Some men seem to want some amount of crazy so they know you’re normal, but if you get too crazy too soon, he’s going to bolt. For example, stressing about your hair is acceptable, but having a meltdown because he was tacky and checked out the waitress is a no-go. (If he is doing that, you might want to reconsider him anyway.) Rein in the crazy preferably for good, but at least until the rest of your relationship is stable.
  5. Talking about exes. This is absolutely, positively an excellent way to convince him not to see you anymore. Exes are scary — some literally so, others just in principle — because he knows you were with someone else before him and he won’t be able to NOT think about who he was, what he was like, etc. Save the juicy tidbits about what a lunatic the ex-BF is for later down the road. For now, he might just freak out and think you’re still holding on to the ex factor. Bad idea.
  6. Introducing him to too many people too early. Want to see how fast he can run? For some guys, all you’d have to do is take him to an office party, your best friend’s wedding, a family dinner or any other event where you will have to awkwardly introduce him as the guy you’re kind of seeing to everyone and anyone. Yikes. Many guys are super shy and they’ll think you’re trying to get a proposal out of them if you show them off to all of your people in the beginning. Again, it’s ridiculous, but it happens sometimes.
  7. Being too perfect. This is kind of like making him too comfortable. If you’re too perfect, like all of the same stuff he likes, don’t double text, don’t have jealous meltdowns and love giving oral sex without reciprocation, he may run. This might be the most ridiculous of all of them because it makes no sense, but if dudes made sense, we wouldn’t need to blog about them, now would we?
  8. Surprising him/showing up uninvited. You might want to hold off on surprising him — like, with anything — unless you’re in an official relationship. He may take your surprise appearance at his favorite bar as you stalking him… which, if we’re being honest with one another, you kind of can’t blame him for. Don’t show up places unless you are invited. If you like him, heed this advice. Give him his space and don’t go when not asked. Seriously.
  9. Being too willing to compromise. Being overly compromising can sometimes correlate with neediness. He makes plans with you for dinner on Thursday, then has to cancel and asks if Saturday is okay. You respond with, “Sure, any day works for me.” NO! That screams desperate and clingy. Stand your ground, deal with not seeing him as much as you’d like and let him know he isn’t the only thing you’ve got going on. He’s more likely to stick around if he knows you aren’t a stage-5 clinger.
  10. Trying to be too casual. The opposite here is being too casual about the relationship. You think this is what guys want, so you try to pretend you don’t care about anything. Sex? Sure, if that’s what he wants. Cuddling? Eh, you can go without. He should call you tomorrow… if he wants. This sends mixed signals which might scare him, so just be yourself.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314