10 Ways You Might Be Screwing Up Your Own Love Life

You’re single AF and say that you want to find love, but is it possible that you might be ruining your chances without even realizing it? You may not even be aware of these forms of self-sabotage, but if you’ve caught yourself doing these things in your romantic life, it’s time to get a grip if you don’t want to be alone forever:

  1. Taking dating break after dating break. Of course you can’t swipe to your heart’s content every day of your life. You have to take a time-out and focus on other parts of your life (as in the non-annoying, actually amazing parts). But if you can’t stop taking dating breaks and can’t even remember the last time you went on an actual date, that’s a problem. How are you ever going to meet someone if you don’t actually, you know, try to meet someone?
  2. Not taking first dates seriously. There’s a fine line between being so hopeful that a first date will go well and being realistic — there has to be a balance. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take first dates seriously, of course. If you don’t believe that there’s a chance that you’ll like this guy, why even bother going out with him at all?
  3. Getting too cozy with your single life. It’s awesome that you can enjoy being on your own and that you don’t feel desperate for a boyfriend, but if you love being single too much, you might never want to stop being that way. That’s okay if you don’t ever want to fall in love again but you probably do. The thing about being solo is eventually, that staus usually isn’t permanent.
  4. Being too selective about second dates. Of course going on a second date just for the sake of it is a horrible idea, but the truth is that you might not really get to know a guy on the first date. Maybe he’s nervous or shy or he takes a bit longer to warm up. You’re only hurting yourself if you refuse to see someone again unless the first date was totally and completely magical. Sometimes guys really are worth a second chance.
  5. Not letting go of your checklist. You may think that you’ve moved on from being super picky because no one wants to believe that they date this way. You’re probably a lot pickier than you think, though, and you might be judging guys against a checklist that is pretty unfair. If you can get to know a guy for who he is and figure out how you feel instead of worrying too much about who you should be with, you just might be surprised.
  6. Being too confident. Yup, there’s such a thing as being way too confident and if you’re slipping over into arrogance, you need to take a step back. You’re pretty awesome, but you’re not better than other people. You can’t think that every guy you meet just couldn’t possibly be good enough for you.
  7. Not knowing who you are. It’s great to take up yoga or start eating better or decide that you want to start a side hustle. Life is meant to be lived, after all. But if you’re always changing your life and focusing on stuff other than dating, after a while it’s like you’re just finding reasons not to date.
  8. Becoming a workaholic. It’s an annoying reality that sometimes the harder you work and the better your career is going, your personal life totally suffers. If you’re too busy to date, guess what? You’re going to wind up alone. You might not want that to happen. So you should probably carve out some time in that busy schedule of yours for some first dates.
  9. Swapping crappy date stories. Telling your girlfriends about your most recent bad dates is like the best kind of therapy session… and it’s the worst thing for you love life. This backfires big time because it puts you in a negative frame of mind and makes you think that all dates are going to suck this much, so don’t do this.
  10. Playing the single girl victim. On the one hand, you’re proud of who you are, and on the other, you’re always whining about how hard dating is and how everyone you know seems to have found love. This is only going to make you more miserable, not less. Stop looking for sympathy and start appreciating what you have in your life. Don’t let the fact that you haven’t found love yet color your awesome life.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.