My friend Nick and I recently had a conversation about relationships and our dating lives, and he indiscreetly dropped some gems that I think every woman should hear. Unlike the popular movie, here are 10 ways to (seriously) lose a guy in 10 days:
- Acting like an airhead “For some reason, girls like to act dumb in an attempt to flirt or something,” Nick said. In his eyes, this is one of the quickest ways to lose a guy’s interest. A woman with a good head on her shoulders and intelligence to match is more attractive than anything else. If you’re trying to attract a man with your looks instead of brains, you’ll most likely end up with the wrong one.
- Texting and calling 24/7Â This is today’s version of a stage five clinger. No guy, or anyone for that matter, likes to be bothered the entire day. Attempting to speak all day every day just to feel connected can be an instant turn-off. Constantly seeking attention can be viewed as an insecurity and lack of trust, which is no way to keep someone interested. Of course, he wants to tell you about his day and vice versa, but a daily play-by-play just isn’t necessary.
- Constantly bringing up past flings This right here is a major no-no, especially if the relationship is fresh. There’s a reason it’s called a “past” fling—it doesn’t need your attention in the present. It’s important to have the “ex” talk, but after it’s discussed once, it should be left alone. Guys don’t want to hear constant nagging, especially over an irrelevant past. Plus, the more you bring another woman up, the more his attention will be drawn to her.
- Stalking his social media If you’re one to consistently check his social media and make a scene about different likes and posts, you’re probably on your way to single-town. This may seem a little weird, but in that case, you’re better off just unfollowing your guy on social media and avoiding all temptations to stalk. I heard Nick say, “The second a girl asks me why I followed another girl or questions my likes, it’s over.” For guys, social media is not that serious and definitely not worth an argument. All you’re doing is driving yourself crazy.
- Being overly shy This is one that I can personally attest to. I’m a very shy person when I first meet someone new, especially if I’m interested in them. I’ve screwed up on more than one first date by being too quiet and I’ve missed who knows how many opportunities to meet new guys because I was too afraid to speak up. Guys love a woman they can talk and connect with, not someone they have to force conversation with.
- Being overly outgoing On the opposite end of the spectrum, some women try to avoid being quiet and awkward by being over-the-top. They succeed at not being shy but end up being completely obnoxious in the process. It’s OK to express your personality and even encouraged, just don’t get to the point of being annoying and inauthentic.
- Becoming friends with his inner circle too soon Nick explained, “I once had a girl become so close with my sister and my group of friends that I couldn’t help but to look at her as just another friend.” I think this topic can be viewed differently if you’ve been dating for a few years and have developed a relationship with his inner circle, but anything before that is too soon. Guys tend to hold their family and friends very close to their heart, so if you start introducing yourself and making friendships before he’s ready, it’s game over.
- Questioning his actions 24/7Â I think I can speak for all men and women when I say nobody wants to be interrogated all day, especially by their partner. Asking where he’s going, who he’s on the phone with, or who he was with all day is a good way to kiss your guy goodbye. There’s nothing wrong with asking these questions, but there’s a difference between conversation and consistent insecurity. The key here is trust and respecting boundaries.
- Showering him with gifts Just as our affection can’t be bought, guys’ attention can’t be bought either. He’ll probably accept the gifts, but it won’t earn you much respect. Going overboard will leave him feeling obligated, like you’re easily controlled, and quite frankly, just creep him all the way out. Birthdays and holidays are different, but even then it shouldn’t be a big deal if the relationship is new.
- Expecting too much too soon As a woman, it’s important to us that a guy pays on the first date, treats us with respect, and pays attention to us, but there’s no need to go overboard. Expecting too much out of a guy too soon will send him running for the hills. Expecting to receive gifts, be shown off all over social media, and for him to make it official when it’s only been two weeks is just doing the most. Also, for the sake of your relationship, avoid asking the “what are we” question too soon. When he’s ready to commit, he will. If you’re not prepared to have patience, you should probably move on now.
