Millennial women are done with playing games and are ready to take charge of their love lives. However, there is a huge difference between confidently going after what you want and being clingy. If you’re guilty of any of the following, take heed that you may be looking like a desperado.
- You blow up his phone with messages. If you’re always initiating conversation or worse, sending the dreaded double text on the regular, stop. Back away from the phone. You don’t need to bombard him with messages to let him know you’re interested. Let him meet you halfway, or at least give him the chance to contact you first. You don’t want to be a text pest.
- You’re way too keen to hang out. Yeah, you’re excited, I get it—I’m like a Trekkie at Comic-Con when I’m really into a guy. But you don’t want your eagerness on display like a flashing neon sign of desperation. If you’re always initiating plans and accepting every invite thrown your way, he’s going to wonder why you don’t seem to have a life beyond dating him.
- You can’t keep your hands to yourself. It was cute when Selena Gomez sang about it, but if you’re constantly touchy-feely with him you’re going to look less sexy and playful and more Gollum “my precious.” Plus, some people are really not into PDA, so you could just be making him feel really uncomfortable. Try creating some space between you to see if he bridges the gap before you grope him on the subway.
- You ditch your friends and family for him. This is uncool for a myriad of reasons. For starters, canceling plans with your loved ones in favor of your latest date is just a flakey thing to do. Secondly, if you think bailing on the important people in your life is going to make you look more appealing to him, you’re wrong. Valuing your other relationships will show him that he’s not the only priority in your life, and he’ll respect your time more.
- You pretend to like things you don’t. There’s a lot of pressure in the “getting to know you” phase to find some common ground. But acting interested in everything he is will only show you’re trying too hard and the truth will come out eventually. Being your authentic self and introducing him to new things will make you more interesting. Plus, disagreeing on a few things is where the friction for all that fun witty banter will come from.
- You talk about the future prematurely. Remember when Kate Hudson made that creepy photoshopped family album for Matthew McConaughey in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”? Maybe that’s an extreme example, but any mention of marriage, babies or retirement plans too early in the game will have him internally hyperventilating. In fact, those topics should be completely tabooed in the early stages of dating, along with honeymoon destinations, matching tattoos and how you really feel about his ironic mustache.
- You’re his personal social media groupie. Slash stalker. Liking a photo of him and his dog whom you’ve already been acquainted with—fine. Trolling through his cousin’s wedding album whom you’ve never met and liking every pic he’s tagged in—Stage Five Clinger. Limit your social media love to a few relevant posts instead of going all Swimfan on the guy.
- You try introducing him to family and friends way too soon. Maybe you’re excited to finally bring home a guy worthy of introducing to the parents, but inviting him to a family barbecue too soon will sound alarm bells in his head. Unless you run in the same crowd, friend and family meet-and-greets should really be resigned for after you’re officially a couple. Any mention of it before then might come across a little intense.
- You act like a housewife. If you’ve been single AF for a while it can be really fun to play house again. But this doesn’t mean you should. Cleaning up after him and acting like his wife is just a little creepy. And for the love of god don’t do his laundry. The next time you feel the urge to do a load of his dirty clothes, remember the time Miranda found a skid mark in Steve’s undies and back away from the washing machine.
- You bring him presents for no reason. Sometimes in the form of home cooked food. Unless your name is Martha Stewart, you have no business bringing him batches of his favorite cookies in the early days. Baked goods are for boyfriends. The same goes for buying him presents when you hardly even know him. Showering him with gifts is not going to buy you his love, it will just make you look a little crazy. There’s nothing wrong with being honest about how you feel, just be aware that coming off as thirsty AF could leave you high and dry.
