The search for love can be nerve-racking, and it often brings up a lot of our deepest dating insecurities. Does this dress look sexy enough, without looking too sexy? Should I wear my hair down and hide that mole on my neck, or up because my face looks thinner with it up? Should I wear heels, or will that make me too tall?
But while dating can be anxiety-inducing even for the best of us, it’s not only women that suffer from it. Men get super nervous and insecure before, during, and after dates, too! So, in my curiosity, I went ahead and asked a bunch of guy friends what their biggest dating insecurities are, and here are the results:
- Their car. Having a nice car is important to a lot of guys. Even thought many women might not notice what car he’s driving (or care, for that matter!), he knows and he may be super insecure about it if he’s picking you.
- The restaurant, if they choose the spot. Your choice of restaurant can say a lot about you, which means that it can be super intimidating. For example, if she’s a “cool” girl, you want to bring her somewhere that’s effortlessly hip, yet still romantic. If she’s more upscale, you’ll want to choose a restaurant that’s high quality, that you can also afford. It’s a tough call.
- His shirt. Clothes aren’t always easy for guys, either. A lot of guys can be super insecure about their choice of clothing – their shirts in particular. We’ve all seen those guys with those hideous shirts who haven’t got a clue just how awful it is. Yeah, well, guys tend to be insecure that they’re that guy.
- Sweating. Guys tend to sweat more than girls, and if they’ve chosen the wrong shirt (or a particularly sweaty restaurant), this can be a source of serious insecurity.
- Talking too much or too little. Sometimes when we get nervous, we tend to overcompensate by talking too much (or we get super shy, and talk too little!). The balance is hard to strike, and both men and women tend to feel insecure about how the conversation is flowing.
- The topic of conversation. Sometimes women will genuinely want to talk about sports, beer, or your fantasy league football. But dominating the whole conversation with sports? Not so great. Guys know that they can get carried away with their favorite topics, and so tend to be insecure about how much or little they talk about them.
- Drinking too much or too little. Is two drinks one too many, or one too few? Does she want more? If you call him over for another, will she think you’re a lush? The struggle is real. The trick is to get a feel for what kind of drinker she is before you go for a third (or fourth, or fifth) round.
- How nice he’s being to the waiters. Everyone knows that how someone treats the wait staff is extremely revealing of the type of person they are. The trick is not to be overly nice to the point that you come across like a weird dad-type, but you want to be nice enough so that your date thinks you’re a stand-up guy.
- Should he kiss you at the end of the date? Were there vibes there? Did he misread them? If there were vibes, and he doesn’t kiss you, will you think he’s not that into you?
- Should he imply that he wants to see you again? If the guy is into you, they have this inner struggle with coming across as “cool” and wanting you to know that they’re really into you.
- Should he invite you back to his place? Going back to his place (or going back to yours, for that matter) is universal code for sex. But, not everyone’s necessarily got that memo, and every guy is paranoid that you’re that one girl who really does want to come back for coffee and a movie, in which case he could make a fool of himself.