Narcissistic personality disorder involves a person having an incredibly inflated view of themselves. Often, this self-involvement will mean that they disregard the needs and feelings of those around them, making them a toxic partner. While only a professional can diagnose the disorder, there are some signs that can suggest that a guy (or even a woman!) is a narcissist. Check them out below.
- Shutting down when you try to point out a problem. It’s not always easy to talk through problems like adults. For narcissists, this is especially difficult. Often, rather than calmly and rationally having a serious talk about a relationship problem, a narcissist gets defensive and goes on the attack. He might think that your venting is a threat to him, no matter how calmly you articulate yourself. Rather than talking to you like an adult, a narcissist often shuts down.
- Refusing to take responsibility for their mistakes. One of the reasons why narcissists aren’t good at talking problems through is because they don’t like to take responsibility for their mistakes. Their perspective is skewed to see themselves as perfect and everybody else at fault, including their partner. So even though it’s obvious that he’s in the wrong, you probably won’t get an apology.
- Constantly hitting below the belt when you argue. Narcissists typically hit below the belt when they argue. As in, they say really horrible things that no one should say to their partner, even in the heat of the moment. That’s because narcissists struggle to empathize with how other people feel. He might not register just how much he’s hurting you by hitting below the belt. And if he can, he might choose to inflict that pain on purpose because he doesn’t value your feelings like he values his own.
- Failing to understand sarcasm. According to Mind Body Green, one of the hallmark signs of a narcissist is failing to understand sarcasm. So when you’re dating a narcissist, you might find that he takes all your jokes seriously. He might get defensive when you’re just joking because he can’t read body language and subtle facial expressions. It’s also common for narcissists to take most things you say as a threat, as they’re biased towards perceiving facial expressions as being negative.
- Being obsessed with their reputation. An obsession with reputation is one of the most common traits of a narcissist. When you’re dating someone who cares deeply about what others think of him, he’ll often prioritize his reputation above your feelings. For example, he might get mad at you for crying in public after you hear bad news because it reflects negatively on him. In reality, a good partner would worry that you’re upset rather than how it makes him look.
- Having trouble trusting you. Narcissists tend to be motivated by fear. This means that a narcissistic guy will often have trouble trusting you. No matter how reliable you prove are, he’ll still question your loyalty. And that can get very frustrating after a while.
- Having impossibly high expectations of you. Often, narcissists take high standards one step further and hold impossible expectations of their partners. He might expect you to fly out to a different city to watch him give a presentation, even if you’ve got work early the next morning. Or he might expect you to never have dated anyone else. Or to give up talking to your friends if he perceives them to be less than you. These expectations are completely unfair and impossible for most people.
- Lacking warmth when you need support. A good partner should provide warmth and support when you need it. But because a narcissist lacks empathy, they often lack the warmth you crave. They might be incredibly insensitive and tell you to get over things. Or they might make you feel guilty for feeling upset over something you absolutely have a right to feel upset over.
- Believing their problems matter more than yours. A narcissist often believes that he’s the center of the universe. So it’s really difficult for him to understand that other people matter too. It’s a giveaway that he’s a narcissist if he treats his problems like the end of the world but feels that yours don’t matter.
- Demanding attention but not absorbing it. Dating a narcissist can often feel extremely draining. One of the main reasons is narcissists crave endless attention and validation, but they don’t absorb it. No matter how much you compliment him or validate him, it’s never enough.
- Not taking no for an answer. An entitled attitude is another hallmark sign that a guy’s a narcissist. He’ll have a hard time taking no for an answer and resort to any lengths at all to get his way. For example, he might manipulate or intimidate you to get you to do what he wants. Or he might sulk or guilt you when you set boundaries. Typically, a narcissist will feel outraged at the idea of someone telling them no.
