11 Seemingly Green Flags In Relationships That Are Actually Blazing Red

When you start seeing a new guy, you’ll no doubt be looking for the usual red flags that he’s bad news. But beware: sometimes the things you think are good signs can actually be a disaster about to strike. Here are some things to look out for.

  1. He’s at your beck and call. The guy would move mountains for you and you don’t even really know him. He drives across town to see you even though it’s really out of his way. He comes to help you move to your new home even though he has to work. If he’s always going the extra mile, this OTT behavior could point to a guy who’s trying too hard to please you. Maybe he’s a doormat.
  2. He’s keen to meet your folks. On the second date, he says he’d love to meet your folks sometime. You might think this is sweet and a sign he really wants to date you exclusively but it’s a bit too much too soon. Why is he rushing? Something’s not quite right.
  3. He makes you laugh. A lot. It’s awesome to meet someone with a great sense of humor—that in itself isn’t a problem. However, it soon becomes one if he’s always making you laugh so much that he can never be serious about anything.
  4. He teases you. It can be cute when a guy’s playful, but there’s a difference between being fun and actually making fun of you. It might be a sign that he’s going to put you down in future and call it a “joke.” You’re not one of his bros. It’s also a red flag when he seems comfortable to start teasing you right from the first date.
  5. He’s shut the door on his exes. How did his previous relationships end? They all involved him deciding to move on and cutting ties with his exes. When talking about his previous relationships, you might not think it’s a biggie for him to always be the dumper in the scenarios. In fact, you might think it’s great that he’s so open about his past. But if he’s never had his heart broken, then he might lack experience—or be someone who bolts from a relationship before things get serious.
  6. He has loads of female friends. He doesn’t get along with any guys. He’s all about hanging out with his girls. What? Although it might seem good for him to be around other women—maybe they help him understand women better, right?—his social circle can be a red flag if those friends are all crushes and exes and he’s always hugging them in IG posts. Shady.
  7. He always cleans up nicely for dates. You want a guy who takes care of himself and cares about his appearance. He has perfect hair and he knows how to dress, but there’s a catch. If you’ve been dating for months and you’ve never seen him in casual wear or with his hair a mess, something’s up. What is he hiding? Can’t he be comfortable and relaxed around you instead of always on guard?
  8. He loves hearing about your drama. You have no problems opening up to the guy about the latest fight you had with your bestie. Sure, it feels great to be able to get so real and open with him, but if he’s enjoying the gossip sesh a little too much, maybe he’s trying too hard to get on your good side. Or maybe he’s a big gossip lover, which means he’s likely to be gossiping about you when you’re not around.
  9. He’s all about one form of communication. You’ve met a guy who likes to pick up the phone and call you and it’s like winning the jackpot. But everything in moderation. If he’s always calling you late at night even though you spoke earlier that day, maybe he’s coming on too strongly. It’s also not good if he’s dominating one type of communication and totally ignoring all the others. For example, you suggest becoming friends on Facebook and he shuts you down. Maybe he’s trying to keep some areas of his life out of reach. Hmm.
  10. He misses you like crazy. Since meeting you, you’ve both been totally blissed-out about each other. However, it becomes a problem when he can’t seem to have a good time when you’re not around—that’s a red flag instead of a relationship want. Admit it: you want a guy who has a full life that makes him happy with or without you in it. It shows he’s well-adjusted and knows how to look after himself instead of pointing to the fact that he’s been waiting around for someone to complete him.
  11. He’s always taking the lead. It’s nice to be able to chill and let the guy call, text, and ask you out, right? Well, maybe. If he’s always taking the lead and making all the decisions, that’s actually a red flag. What’s going to happen later on when you want to do something you want to do instead of going according to his plans? Drama! You don’t need that. It should be equal and fair, right from the start.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.