There’s really not much to do in winter aside from getting it on. This is unfortunate, because it’s the most difficult season for hooking up when you’re single. Some nights can feel like the universe is conspiring against you and your sex life, and you wonder if you’ll be able to get any before spring. If you’re not giving up hope of seeing some action this season, you’ll encounter these 11 hurdles during your quest to get your swerve on:
- Even single people are hibernating. You can make your best effort to meet new people, but that won’t get you very far if everyone else is cuddled up at home binge watching Netflix. Even the single guys fall into the winter hibernation habit, and you can’t get any if no one wanders out of their apartments until spring.
- There’s a good chance you haven’t shaved today. If you meet someone unexpectedly, and things are heating up, there’s a god chance you aren’t “hookup ready” on any given winter day. Nobody shaves every day during long pants season, and let’s be real — sometimes you skip a whole week or more. I vote to go ahead and get naked anyway, but if you won’t feel confident, there’s really no point.
- Your wingwoman thinks it’s too cold to leave her home. Your designated wingwoman helped you kill it all summer and fall, but now she’s more interested in eating pizza under the blankets. You can try to bribe her with picking up the tab, put chances are you’ll be out there fending for yourself this season.
- Winter cocktails are super bloating. Who feels sexy after two glasses of eggnog?? ‘Tis the season to indulge and get bloated, which is awesome, but you might not feel like the sexual goddess you did this afternoon after pounding a bunch of mega dark beers. If you’ve overdone it, there’s still lazy dog style — all the intercourse with none of the effort.
- Your sexy heels are not equipped to handle a walk of shame in the snow. If only they made compactable Uggs to fit in your clutch for the morning…
- Dry winter skin and massive down parkas are not super attractive. Nobody looks their best in the winter. This doesn’t matter when you have enough time to get to know each other and find a deeper attraction, but if you’re just trying to get some tonight, the bars tend to look more like a storm shelter for the recently bitten than a sexy singles hang out. If you can deal with a rando’s chapped winter lips and mystery body under his parka and two sweaters, then yes — you can definitely get lucky tonight.
- Digging your car out ruins your hair and makeup. For those of you not blessed with covered garages, digging your car out is basically guaranteed to undo all your hard work of getting glammed up for the night. Sure, you’re gorgeous anyway, but a little confidence boost never hurt anyone’s game.
- Uber surge pricing during storms. 5X surge pricing because of some friggin’ snow? I think I’ll just stay in.
- You can’t get ready by candlelight. The power is super unreliable all winter. It snows, you lose power. It hails, you lose power. It’s just really, really cold, you lose power. Holding a candle next to your wet hair while making a whirring noise is no replacement for a hair dryer, and you’re probably going to stab yourself in the eye if you try to put on makeup in the dark. Getting ready is arguably half the fun of going out, so you’re off to a rough start already.
- You’re afraid the snow might trap you at a one-night stand’s house. When a blizzard is going on, your next stop may be your last for a while. Even if you’re at the point where getting some is definitely an option for tonight, you still might have to back out due to a fear of getting trapped at his place (or that he’ll get trapped at yours). And ya know, you might not have all that much to talk about when it’s over.
- You accidentally fall asleep at 9 pm. By 9 o’clock, the sun has been down for, like, five hours already. You had every intention of raging with the girls tonight, but the couch was just so cozy…
