11 Little Signs You’re Subconsciously Pushing Your Partner Away

Maybe it’s getting too serious with your partner so you start displaying behaviors that could sabotage things. Maybe you’re completely in love but without meaning to, you’re pushing your partner away. Here are some ways you might be subconsciously creating distance in your relationship.

You shut them out at the slightest provocation. Ignoring your partner and not communicating might seem like the easy way out of a quarrel, but it can be very damaging to the relationship. Even if you’re not intentionally doing it to punish them, it can still seem that way. And the more frequently it happens, the more they’ll come to resent you for it.

You overanalyze everything they do. My ex would often read his own meaning into something I said or did. Instead of seeking clarification, he would come fired up and ready to fight me over it. He made everything feel like a personal attack against him and even though I loved him, it became impossible to put up with the situation. If all you seem to focus on are your partner’s faults instead of the things they’re doing right, that’s a sign you might be trying to push them away.

You’re holding on to your insecurities for dear life. It’s normal to not like things about yourself now and then, but letting it affect how you interact with your partner can drive a wedge between you. When your insecurities start to get the better of you, it forces you to lash out or seek extra reassurance from your partner. When they resist, you push harder, causing them to pull back even further. The cycle repeats itself until the last thread snaps.

Listening is a huge inconvenience to you. You know how infuriating and belittling it is when your opinions are being ignored at work or in a conversation? Well, other people feel that way too. If your partner is trying to talk to you and you can’t be bothered to pay attention, you can end up pushing them away because they feel taken for granted. Invalidating their experiences is another subtle sign of sabotage.

You expect your partner to be a mind reader. Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically fuse your thoughts and desires. Expecting your partner to magically understand the motives behind your actions or words is basically leaving the door wide open for trouble. If you’re unwilling to talk about how you feel or what you need, that could be a sign that you’re pushing for things to end.

You always sweat the small stuff. Holding on to grudges and refusing to forgive your partner when they make little mistakes can cause a rift in your relationship. It’s okay to get mad sometimes when they do the wrong thing, but holding it over their head and reminding them of it every little chance you get, brews dissatisfaction and anger that spell the beginning of the end.

Everything is about you. No one likes to hang around a person who thinks they’re the center of the universe. Your problems and needs are not the only valid things in the world, so if that’s the kind of attitude you’re projecting, it might inspire your partner to want to spend less time with you, because you’re subconsciously making them feel insignificant.

Withholding sex and affection. Maybe you’re doing it deliberately to get the upper hand in a fight or unknowingly because of underlying issues that haven’t been able to communicate. Either way, not indulging in physical or emotional intimacy with your partner will eventually lead to your partner pulling away from you.

You refuse to let them in. This one one of the most subtle ways that people push their partners away. I know I’ve been guilty of it a lot in the past. I was terrified of intimacy and I foolishly thought that if I let myself accept love from my partner, it’d be much harder to move on if they stopped loving me. You might think hedging your bets is the least risky move, but holding parts of yourself back from a relationship means it’s already halfway ruined.

Playing the comparison game. If you feel the need to constantly compare your partner with other people, even your exes, then that’s a sigh you might be trying to push them away. No self-respecting person wants to be in a relationship where they’re constantly judged and found wanting.

You put other things ahead of your relationship. Yes, you love your job and it’s important to you, but constantly neglecting your partner because of it is going to have a negative effect on the relationship. Love won’t always be enough to carry your relationship if you’re not giving it enough time, attention, and care.



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