I’m a classic commitment-phobe. It took me a long time to realize it, but it’s totally true. I can talk the talk of a serious monogamous relationship but I have a much harder time actually living it. Here’s why the idea of being tied down freaks me out:
I’m comfortable alone.
I don’t feel the need for a man and usually it’s much easier to go without one. Being single feels natural to me. Do I like the idea of having a big love in my life? Sure. Do I want to deal with the work and compromise that goes along with the reality of that? Not so much. The fantasy is so much easier to adore than the real-life version.
I don’t trust myself to have a healthy relationship.
I have a lot of personal baggage and I’ve done a great job in the past of either picking the wrong guys or mucking up a decent relationship with all my own crap. I know that I’ve grown and changed since then, but all my bad patterns come to the surface when I begin dating again. I’m not sure I can shake that problem.
I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’m too old to still be muddling about in the dark when it comes to dating. It’s as if all the mistakes I’ve made have actually hindered my ability to date at all. I worry about every move I make and I’m always in my head. It’s tough to get back out there when I don’t trust myself one little bit. It feels scary and confusing.
I value my freedom above all else.
I’m very independent and I like my alone time. It’s difficult to work out my need for space with the demands of a partner and a relationship. If I begin to feel tied down in the least, my instincts tell me to get out before it’s too late. It’s like I have fight-or-flight response to any kind of romantic feelings I may develop.
I’m scared of losing myself.
I’ve made the mistake in the past of giving my all to my boyfriends and forgetting to take care of what I need in the process. I get so invested in the relationship that it becomes my whole life. I lose sight of who I am and what I want out of life for myself independent of my partner. I get nervous that if I fall for someone, I’ll make that mistake again.
I’m sure it’ll end up unraveling.
I have no faith that I can be in a long-lasting, committed relationship because it’s never worked out before. I’m terrified of developing feelings for someone and wanting to finally settle down and then getting my heart broken yet again. I’m devastated every time I go through a break-up and it feels better to keep all my walls up so that I don’t get hurt.
I have a difficult time trusting men.
I don’t know where this problem comes from exactly, but I just seriously don’t trust men as a gender. Yes, I know how messed up that sounds. I think that they will all eventually cheat, lie, or leave me. I guess maybe this is a reflection on my own self-esteem as well—I don’t think that I can get a man to stick around and be with me for the long haul.
I’m terrified of making mistakes.
I don’t like making mistakes in life in general. Get my emotions and feelings involved and I’m downright scared. When it comes to romance, I question every move I make. I’m so worried about falling for someone and dealing with heartache that I shy away from the idea of being with anyone at all. If I’m single, I don’t have to worry about any of it.
I never know when to stick it out and when to let it go.
No matter how many relationships I go through, I still get confused over which issues are worth working through and which issues mean I need to move on. I always default to staying, even when I sort of know I shouldn’t. Because I get like this once I’m committed, I much prefer now to avoid getting entangled in the first place.
I’m super sensitive about love.
Of course everyone is sensitive when it comes to their emotions, but I’m the worst of the bunch. I have the hardest time ever letting myself love because I know how I am. Once I’m in, I’m all in, for better or for worse. This puts me in a scary situation and I’m susceptible to getting hurt. I worry about it constantly so I avoid it at all costs.
I don’t want to be that vulnerable.
I simply don’t want to go there. I’ve been there, done that, and I’m tired of the pain that results from committing my heart, time and energy to a relationship. I’m so content as a single adult with a simple life and few responsibilities that I don’t see the point in adding any drama. Yes, love is great, but I can love myself. I don’t know that I’ll ever believe affection from another person is worth the potential pain and heartache.
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