It seems like everyone is looking for a “drama-free” relationship and I don’t blame them. Having someone who lets you be yourself is wonderful, and it’s even more wonderful to have someone you don’t have to keep secrets from or fear that they’ll cheat at the first opportunity. But, if I’m really being honest, I love a little a drama in all aspects of my life—my relationship included. Here’s why:
Drama can just be excitement—it’s not necessarily negative. Craving a little drama doesn’t necessarily mean I want my life to be like an episode of Gossip Girl. For me, it can mean just spicing things up a little with some high-risk situations. That could mean having sex in public (something my partner and I like to make a sport out of) or maybe bringing a third into bed with us. Drama doesn’t always equal negative fighting and the breaking of trust— sometimes it can just be sexy.
Squabbles in an LTR can be a thrilling change of pace. Let it be known that this is PURELY from my own personal perspective: getting into minor fights with my partner can sometimes be exciting. It’s so easy to become complacent when you’ve been dating someone for years, especially someone who you almost always see eye-to-eye with, so when my S.O. says something that makes me raise my eyebrows, you’d better believe I’m going to engage. I won’t rip him apart or put a detrimental divide in our healthy relationship for the thrill of an argument but I’m going to speak my mind when I get riled up—and I’ll probably love it.
Making up after a fight is part of the fun. It might be thrilling to have it out with my partner in the moment, but making up afterward is twice as fun. Anyone who’s ever had makeup sex will tell you it can be the sweetest, most passionate sex you’ll ever have with your partner. You’re so grateful to have them in your life and you’re both so sorry for the silly argument you had, plus you’re still kind of amped up from the high of getting riled up. All that is an equation for some mind-blowing love-making, at least in my opinion.
Provoking a nasty, personal fight is a mistake. While getting into a little bit of a sparring match is one thing, purposefully provoking nasty fights is toxic for a relationship. Bringing up negative things from their (or my) past just to get my blood pumping? That’s gradually going to put a wedge between me and my partner, bringing some really unhealthy energy into the relationship. I always check myself before I bring THAT kind of drama into it.
Even having a harmless debate brings some drama. Something I love about my current relationship is that my partner and I love to have friendly debates. We’ll make small bets about how sports games are going to play out or have back-and-forths about movies one of us loved and the other hated. We’re both smart, opinionated people and the drama of debating our different opinions really gets us going.
Likewise, we’re extremely competitive. Whether it’s a bet, a board game, or a one-on-one basketball game, my partner and I get competitive with one another. It’s basically just like a physical manifestation of a friendly debate, and it gets pretty dramatic between the two of us.
We always know when to say sorry. I’d be lying if I said that we’d never taken things too far. We’ve had some arguments and competitions that didn’t end so well, i.e. me throwing board game pieces across the apartment. Oops. Sometimes, the drama we bring in can get a little out of control, but the important thing is that we both know when to say “enough is enough.” We’re in tune with one another enough that we know when feelings have been hurt, and neither of us is too proud to say sorry.
There’s nothing wrong with some healthy flirting. Just because I’m in an LTR doesn’t mean that I won’t engage in some harmless flirting with some guy at the bar. Likewise, my partner will flirt with women in public. We have an agreement that flirting with strangers is healthy, as long as we’re not leading them on or making any physical advances (unless we’re making the physical advances together). People might not get it but we love the drama of it all. We know the big secret that we’re in a relationship, it’s thrilling that this stranger is into us, and noticing your partner flirting with a hot other tends to kick up your adrenaline unlike anything else.
There’s also nothing wrong with a little jealousy. On that note, there’s nothing wrong with a small, healthy amount of jealousy. If I see my partner flirting with a gorgeous blonde at the bar, I know I have nothing to worry about… but I still can’t help but get a little jealous. She’s attractive and obviously into him and it gets my blood boiling in the best way; seeing someone expressing interest in their partner is a major turn-on for me. After he’s done chatting with her, you’d better believe I’m jumping his bones.
That “jealousy sex” is almost as hot as makeup sex. Just like having sex after a fight is amazing, having sex after watching your partner flirt with some is INCREDIBLE. It feels super primal, like you’re claiming your territory almost, and it becomes a little addictive.
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