You and a guy might be “talking,” “hanging out,” or even dating, but don’t let your heart get carried away. Just because you can see him as a potential boyfriend doesn’t mean he wants things to go any further than they already have. If this guy is displaying any of these signs, you’ll likely never progress past the dating stage and he’s not going to be your boyfriend.
- He’s not serious and his actions show it. He’s interested in hanging out a ton for a few weeks, but then he changes and doesn’t seem to have time because he’s “so busy with work.” You might go a week or more without seeing him at all. This inconsistency isn’t conducive to a relationship and should be taken as a huge sign that he’s not as interested in you as he seemed to be before. Dating you once every couple of weeks when he can be bothered isn’t a good sign.
- He’s got other women on the horizon. You’re dating him, but you can’t help but get the feeling this guy is seeing other women too. You’ve noticed him having some rather interesting conversations with other women on social media, and that feeling in your gut is telling you that you’re not the only one in his life.
- He’s using the fact that you’re dating each other to fool you. He doesn’t feel the need to make things official because you’re acting like a couple even if you don’t have the label attached to you. He can tell you that you’re seeing each other, which basically means you’re dating, to fool you into thinking it means you’re headed towards a relationship. Before you make assumptions, make sure you have that conversation with him to ensure that you’re both on the same page.
- He hasn’t taken steps towards being exclusive with you. He’d be giving you clear signs that he likes you if he was serious about you. He’d also tell you straight-up that he wants to be dating you and only you. A guy who wants to be exclusive will want to make sure that he knows where he stands with you, and he’ll definitely want to make sure that neither of you were overstepping boundaries in your relationship.
- He speaks negatively about commitment. He might have had long-term relationships in the past that make you think he’s not a commitment-phobe but check out how he speaks about commitment now. He might comment on his friends’ relationships and mock his bros for being so serious, or maybe he rolls his eyes when family members tell him to settle down. Both show that he’s not keen on anything serious. And, if he’s the guy who says he’s “not really into commitment right now”, that means you should get out before he plays you hard.
More signs dating will never turn into a relationship with this guy
- He keeps things casual. He doesn’t want to be serious, but he continues texting and making plans with you. You think it could be because he feels something real for you, but the truth is that he’s happy to continue going with the flow without having any expectations placed on him. It’s also an easy way out if he’s the type of guy who hates confrontation: if he decides to bolt, he can always say, “We were just dating — I never said we were a couple.”
- He doesn’t want anything long-term. He makes plans with you at the last minute. He never books an outing with you weeks ahead of time. When he talks about his future, he’s always speaking about where he sees himself. There’s no talk about having a partner — and more importantly, you — by his side. This is dodgy and a clear warning sign that you’re wasting your time dating him because it will never be more than that.
- He’s twitchy about labels. When you tested the water to see if there’s a chance he’d become your boyfriend, he got all weird when you mentioned labels. He might even have said he doesn’t like labels or doesn’t believe in them, and he sure as hell won’t introduce you as his girlfriend. Perhaps he softened the blow by saying he just wants to enjoy the amazing time he’s having dating you and see where things could go. Run away from this dude — he isn’t serious about you.
- He lets you do all the work. Does it seem like you’re the one putting all the effort in here? You’re the one hinting about relationships and figuring out what he thinks about you. You always feel like you’re the one initiating contact and setting date plans with him ahead of time because you know he won’t. If he’s not trying to make the same amount of effort to win you over, he’s not worth it.
- You’ve been casually dating for way too long. “Seeing each other” or dating casually makes sense when you’re just getting to know each other, but if you’re two months into hanging with this guy and he still hasn’t asked you out officially, you should stop waiting for him to do so because it’s clearly not going to happen. Sure, you want to enjoy time with him, but you want it to be leading somewhere, and you’re well within your rights to strive for something real like that.
- He’s only there for the good times. When you’re in high spirits, he’s always by your side acting like he’s your boyfriend. But the minute a bad spell strikes — perhaps you’re sick with flu and can’t make the party on the weekend — he goes AWOL. He doesn’t offer you any support, even though you both know that if the roles were reversed you’d be bringing him chicken soup to make him feel better. You deserve someone who’ll be by your side for both the good times and the bad, and he’s not it.
What to do if you’re not interested in casual dating
Once you get rid of this guy who’s clearly been wasting your time, you might be wondering how to avoid wasting your time in the future with another guy who’s just not serious. If casual dating’s not your vibe, here’s how to decrease the likelihood of going out with a time-waster.
- Set your expectations out early. Dating shouldn’t seem like a job interview, but if you think about it, you are trying to figure out if this guy would be a good fit in your life, right? One of the easiest ways to do that is by being clear and upfront about what you’re looking for — and more importantly, what you’re not looking for — from day one. That means telling him straight-up that you’re dating to find a relationship, not just for the fun of it.
- Don’t ignore red flags. If he tells you everything you want to hear but his behavior isn’t really lining up with his words, don’t ignore that. Be on the lookout for red flags that indicate that he’s dishonest, noncommittal, disloyal, or any other qualities you really don’t want in a future boyfriend. While you don’t want to invent problems that don’t exist, you also don’t want to ignore problems that will only snowball if you stick around.
- If you’re not getting what you want, walk away. Relationships take time and hard work, and you’re not going to start dating a guy one day and be married to him the next. That’s unreasonable and unfair. You do need to give things time to progress naturally, but if you’ve been seeing someone for several months and they’re no closer to making things official or moving towards a real relationship, that’s not likely to change. If someone you’re dating isn’t giving you what you need, there’s no shame in cutting your losses and walking away.
