It’s hard to find emotionally intelligent men these days — and no, I’m not talking about that guy who calls you up at past midnight to cry about how much he misses you after disappearing on you. You’re looking for a guy who’s self-aware, in touch with his emotions, and knows how to read relationship cues so he can be the best possible partner. So how can you tell if a man has a high emotional IQ? Well, if he showcases these signs, you’re in luck.
Apologizing comes easy for him. It takes self-awareness, courage, and humility to say sorry when you’re wrong or when you do something that hurts someone else. That’s the hallmark of emotional intelligence. Rather than offering excuses or wasting time trying to prove he’s right, he’ll put his relationship with you ahead of his ego and just apologize.
He responds to feedback without anger, excuses, or blame. A guy with a high emotional IQ doesn’t see criticism as a personal attack. When he does something wrong and you tell him about it, he doesn’t react angrily or make it seem like it’s your fault too. Instead, he owns his mistakes and takes steps to keep them from happening again.
He doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations. You don’t want a man who agrees with you all the time or backs down whenever there’s a sign of disagreement. That just means he’s not emotionally intelligent enough to confront and work through differences. A man with a high emotional IQ will be open to settling disagreements by talking about it even if it makes him uncomfortable.
He accepts and enforces boundaries. An emotionally intelligent guy understands the importance of setting limits and standing by them. When you ask for space, he’ll respect that and give it to you because he appreciates the value of having time for yourself. He’ll set healthy rules to guide your relationship and ensure it remains healthy for both of you.
He knows how to regulate his feelings. If he sits with his thoughts and feelings and considers the situation before he acts, chances are he has a high emotional IQ. He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t let emotions dictate how he lives his life. He responds to situations with careful thought rather than reacting rashly in the moment and regretting his actions later.
He tries to understand other people’s points of view. Not everyone has the ability to empathize with other people. Some men can only see things from their viewpoint. They don’t bother trying to understand other people’s thoughts, emotions, and experiences. But an emotionally intelligent man will see your point and be sensitive to your feelings even if he doesn’t agree with them.
He’s an active listener. When you talk, he actually pays attention to what you’re saying and tries to understand where you’re coming from. He isn’t just waiting for you to finish talking so he can jump in his own thoughts and opinions. He doesn’t assume to know what you’re going to say. He lets you share your views and communicates with patience and tenderness.
He tries to get along with the people you care about. You’ve probably had a friend whose partner everyone in your friend group strongly disliked. If your partner has a special talent for offending or annoying almost everyone he meets, you might be that friend. If you’re with an emotionally intelligent man, he’s going to make an effort to get along with your friends, family, and colleagues.
He doesn’t fight dirty. When you argue, he won’t throw or break things. He won’t punch holes in the wall or intentionally say things to hurt you or make you feel small. He won’t keep bringing up your past mistakes. He won’t try to use your flaws or weaknesses against you. And if he does accidentally say hurtful things, he’ll be full of regret and he’ll apologize profusely.
He willingly opens up about how he feels. Emotionally intelligent guys are able to communicate their feelings properly. When things at work get them all riled up, they don’t come home and snap at you for no reason. Instead, they’ll sit and pour out their frustrations to you. Or they’ll go for a quick run to blow off steam and come up with ideas to solve the problem.
He doesn’t hold onto grudges. One of the signs of high emotional intelligence is the ability to forgive misunderstandings and let go of the past or resentment instead of hanging onto it. When people offend him, he doesn’t wear the grudge like armor or look for opportunities to retaliate. He forgives and forgets. He lets himself heal instead of being a prisoner to his hurt.
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