11 Signs Your Ex Just Wants To Be Friends, Not Get Back Together

When your ex makes contact with you after your breakup, it’s easy to think that he might have a relationship sequel on the mind. After all, you’re a total catch and he was crazy about you, right? Sure, but that doesn’t mean you’re meant to be. Here are 11 signs that he really meant it when he said “let’s be friends.”

  1. He talks about other dates. If he talks about how he’s been dating again or confides in you about specific women he’s been hanging out with, those are signs he’s not thinking in romantic terms. He views you as a friend and/or confidante now that things are over between you.
  2. He’s cool with just chatting. He might text you regularly, but he never actually wants to spend time with you. He’s fine with checking in and catching up and then going on his merry way without you being in his life. There’s no urgency there to actually see you face-to-face.
  3. He can go for days without texting. Even though you guys are known to text up a storm at times, he can go for days or weeks without even dropping you a “hi” message. That’s a clear sign he’s not keen on anything, otherwise, he’d be making much more effort.
  4. He asks about guys you’re dating. While this is behavior that an ex who’s interested in you romantically might do, if he doesn’t act jealous at all when you talk about guys on your dating horizon, that’s a sign he’s fine with you moving on.
  5. He’s not nostalgic about your past. If you ever bring up your previous relationship, he changes the subject or talks about stuff but doesn’t get a nostalgic tone in his voice. It’s clear that he’s done with the past and he wants to focus on the future, so don’t expect him to get sentimental about things that happened when you were together. He’s over it – and you.
  6. He drops in at weird times. An ex who wants to have another shot at a relationship will want to chat to you a lot and learn more about you, almost like he’s keen on starting from scratch. By comparison, an ex who drops you a text in the early hours once in a while or just wants to say a quick hey isn’t doing the same thing.
  7. He’s not filling you in. A guy who wants you to be a big part of his life again is going to want you to have VIP access to things, like when he gets a career promotion or has plans to go to the beach for a holiday. If you’re not the first to know, you’re not the first he’s thinking about.
  8. He’s not always texting first. Although you guys chat quite often, he’s not always the one to initiate conversation. Maybe you’re the one who’s texting him first most of the time. Maybe you’re putting in more effort into this friendship of sorts than he is.
  9. He flirts but nothing comes of it. Sure, he might throw in a flirt or two, like by saying how gorgeous you look in your recent Instagram post, but nothing really comes of it. It’s not like those flirtatious comments lead to anything more. They just sit there in the friend zone, kind of like you guys.
  10. He calls you a great friend. He might say that it’s so awesome you guys could be friends again after the breakup and that he really values you. That’s sweet and all, but when he keeps referring to your friendship or what a great friend you are to him, then you know 100-percent for sure that he’s not looking for anything romantic. And no, don’t hold your breath that he’ll change his mind.
  11. He’s waxing lyrical about his serious gf. While you might think he’s talking about his new GF to make you jealous, he might just be doing it because she’s always on his mind and he wants to share the news that he’s so happy with the world. He’s basically treating you like a friend, but that’s a good thing. It means you can properly move on and not have to worry about lingering feelings ruining your friendship.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.