11 Signs You’re Being “Mandozed”

Does he bulldoze over what you say as well as your accomplishments on a first date or even after you’ve been dating for a while? You’re being “mandozed.” Here are 11 signs this disheartening dating trend is happening to you right now.

  1. He ignores your achievements. When talking about your careers and goals, you mention your recent promotion at work. Instead of saying something polite like, ‘That’s wonderful!” or asking more about it, he changes the subject, perhaps by highlighting his own work accomplishments (even if they pale in comparison).
  2. He never celebrates your victories. A guy who “mandozes” isn’t going to be happy for you when you tell him one of your dreams has finally come true. He’s going to change the subject or just say, “Awesome, what’s for dinner?” as though you were giving him an update on the weather. What’s going on with you is never important to him.
  3. He gives you unsolicited advice. You mentioned that you’d love to start a baking business and are in the process of doing so but he ignores that by telling you exactly how you should build your business. This guy thinks he knows everything. He would rather bulldoze over your knowledge and opinions because he doesn’t even want to listen to you, never mind actually value your experience.
  4. It’s all about him. It’s clear to see that a guy who “mandozes” is all about his ego. He wants to be the most amazing, attractive, intelligent, savvy person. He’s the type who will steal the spotlight every chance he gets to impress you and he loves the sound of his own voice. Obviously, his strategy to impress you is backfiring and putting you completely off him.
  5. He likes to compete. You’re on a date with him and mention that you had an amazing holiday in Greece recently. Instead of listening and asking you questions or even expressing how beautiful your stories of the place sound, he’ll say something like, “I went to Italy and it was incredible. You should see it and then you’ll see it’s so much more beautiful.” See what he did there? He’s trying to tell you that you’re wrong and he’s right as well as one-up you about your holiday. He wants to be the person who knows the best places to eat and travel to, the best clothing to wear, and the best of everything.
  6. He’s generally insecure. Why does a guy “mandoze?” For starters, he’s insecure. You can tell that this is so in other ways too, like if he has a jealous streak, he second-guesses himself a lot, and/or he doesn’t like it when you talk about your male friends because he fears they’re better than him. He feels so insecure that he has to “mandoze” you to try to appear to be amazing and prove his worth.
  7. He doesn’t listen. It really feels like this guy doesn’t listen to what you have to say, and that can be really insulting and awkward. For example, if you know all about a certain TV show and yet he still goes on to explain a funny episode he saw in great detail even though you told him you watched it too, it can make the date so unpleasant. Ugh.
  8. He makes you feel less valuable. When a guy keeps bulldozing over what you have to say, it can easily make you feel less confident and valuable. You might even find yourself questioning if your smarts, thoughts, and accomplishments matter at all. Don’t let him get into your head! He has the issues, not you.
  9. He’s controlling. A guy who “mandozes” is similar to a guy who mansplains. Under the surface, he’s really controlling. He wants to be the one to educate you because he thinks he’s more knowledgeable and has more expertise than you. The infuriating thing is that he assumes this even about topics of which you’re better informed than he is.
  10. He doesn’t ask questions. One of the classic moves of a “mandozer” is that he’s more interested in himself than you. He’s not going to ask you about your interesting childhood in Ireland or mention that you wrote that you play the harp on your dating profile. He would much rather have you ask him questions about himself or just babble on about why he’s so damn amazing.
  11. Even when you’re better at something, he’ll still think he’s best. One of the most pathetic ways in which “mandozing” rears its ugly head is when you mention something you’ve done and the guy knows less about the subject than you, or has achieved less in that area but will still flatter himself. For example, you mention that you have written a book. Instead of asking you about it, he tells you all about the one paragraph he’s written for a book idea he had… and he goes on about it for the next hour. If he’s really a jerk, he’ll even preach to you about how to get a book published even though you’ve been there, done that. Ugh.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.