11 Signs You’re Dating A Guy Who Doesn’t Really Love Himself

Being in a relationship with a man who’s not arrogant and self-absorbed is nice, but dating someone who’s insecure about who they are could be a waste of your time. If he can’t love himself, how’s he ever going to love you?

  1. He crumbles at any sign of rejection. He can’t handle it. Whether it comes from you, his co-workers, his parents, whoever—he just can’t cope with anything less than 100% approval and that’s because he’s insecure about who he is. Instead of taking criticism as a way to improve himself, he gets defensive and takes it as an attack on his character.
  2. Everything he says comes in question form. It’s not because he’s ignorant, it’s because he’s unsure of his own words. He doesn’t say he wants to ask dinner, he asks you if you’re ready to eat. There’s a difference between a guy who wants to please his partner and one who has no idea what he wants (even when it’s something as simple as food).
  3. He constantly tries to suppress his jealousy. Maybe someone’s flirting with you, maybe you casually mention your ex, or maybe you do nothing at all. It doesn’t really matter—what matters is he gets jealous about it. The issue is that he doesn’t straight up tell you he’s jealous, he hints at in a passive-aggressive way that makes you question your own actions.
  4. He makes BIG mistakes. There’s a chance he has a lot of anxiety. He might feel the need to escape from who he is, which could lead to him making reckless decisions and the more reckless decisions he makes, the worst he feels about himself. It’s a never-ending cycle.
  5. He cares a little too much about his looks. If he’s really focused on his looks, that could be a sign he doesn’t really love himself. He wants people to pay attention to what’s on the outside of him but not because he’s shallow—he’s just not comfortable with his personality and he wants to deter people from seeing who he really is on the inside.
  6. He doesn’t spend money on himself. Or maybe it’s the exact opposite. He doesn’t put a lot of effort into the way he looks. Instead of spending money on new clothes or waking up a little earlier than usual to fix his hair, he rolls out of bed and leaves his house without even looking in the mirror. It’s because he thinks so low of himself that he doesn’t even try to look presentable.
  7. He’s always trying to prove something. Sure, he has the drive and he’s constantly pushing himself to be better but it’s not because he believes in growth, it’s because he wants to prove something to everyone. He wants you to know he’s not a loser, he wants his parents to know he’s important, and he wants to think he has a purpose. He’s trying to create a life that will make him feel worth something.
  8. He’s constantly apologizing. Even for things he has no business apologizing for! It’s one thing if he accidentally hurts your feelings but if he follows pretty much every sentence with an “I’m sorry,” that’s a clear sign he doesn’t feel good about himself. Apologizing is a habit of his and it’s because he truly thinks everything he does is wrong.
  9. He struggles to get emotionally naked. He has no problem getting naked and having sex with you, but being emotionally vulnerable? That’s not really an option for him. You can tell how little he loves himself by how little he’s willing to share with you. If he was comfortable with who he was, he’d want to share his thoughts and feelings with you. Sure, it might be hard, but he’d try.
  10. He expects too much from you. He doesn’t just expect you to be his girlfriend, he expects you to be his everything—his best friend, his therapist, his mother, etc. Someone who doesn’t love themselves isn’t necessarily looking for a significant other, they’re looking for somewhat of a cheerleader—someone who can take care of them, throw compliments their way, and always be on their side. Does that sound like the guy you’re dating?
  11. He constantly puts himself down. You might think it’s sweet when he says something like, “I can’t believe you’re with someone like me.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it’s meant as a compliment, but if he’s constantly saying self-deprecating things like that, it’s a clear sign he doesn’t love himself so there’s no way he could truly love you.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.