11 Signs You’re Depending On Your Relationship To Keep You Happy & Need To Get A Grip

While there’s no denying that being in love and being in a relationship is pretty great, it’s still important to have a fantastic life outside of your guy. To make sure you’re not getting too dependent on your partner for your happiness and pretty much everything else, watch out for these 11 warning signs.

  1. You won’t socialize without your partner. It’s not just that you won’t socialize without them but that you’re truly offended when someone even suggests that you go out without them. You’ve gone from thinking that going out with your girls is awesome to feeling like it’s akin to torture because your partner’s hot there. It’s actually probably gotten to the point where your friends don’t even bother to invite you anymore. Who wants to sit around with someone who’s both sulking and texting their S.O. all night long? Gross.
  2. You no longer know how to be happy on your own. Even if you were one those fierce, badass women who lived her life for herself and herself alone once upon a time, if you’re too dependent on your relationship for your happiness, all that is gone. You may have even reached a point where you can’t just sit alone reading a book without having to have your partner glued to your side. It’s actually pretty sad.
  3. You get testy if you don’t hear from them all the time. You mean to tell me you haven’t heard from your partner via text in an hour and that’s why you just flipped that table over as if you were the Incredible Hulk? Really? Girl, you don’t just need to get a grip but a hobby, some self-respect, dignity, grace, and maybe even seriously consider handing your phone over to your friends until you can put things into perspective.
  4. Every choice you make, you make with your partner in mind. Whether it’s what you’re going to have for dinner or whether or not you’re going to take that huge promotion, you think about your partner. You don’t just worry about what they’ll think but how they’ll feel because you know to upset them would upset you – even if that’s not what your partner would want you to feel. Codependent much?
  5. You get depressed if you don’t see them every day. Oh, the horror! A day has gone by and although you inundated them with texts, some of which they replied to, you’re not going to see them. How will you make it through the night? Can your heart handle such an absence? Why is this happening to you?! Insert eyeroll here.
  6. Your mood is dependent on your partner’s mood. If your partner is happy, you’re happy. If your partner is pissed off, you’re pissed off. If your partner thinks they’ve been ripped off, you think you’ve been ripped off. Basically, every emotion you experience mirrors that of your partner, meaning your happiness truly is dependent on theirs. Yikes.
  7. You spoil them to keep them happy. If your mood and state of mind are dependent on theirs, it only makes sense that you’d relentlessly spoil them, almost to the point of smothering if we’re to be honest here. And, yes, we’re going to be honest here.
  8. You don’t understand how you functioned before you met them. You really don’t. In fact, both when you’re with them and when you’re apart, you legitimately ask yourself this question over and over again. You even question whether or not you were even alive before you knew them. Did your life even have a purpose then? (It did, but you don’t see it that way.)
  9. You’ve lost sight of who you are. Because you’re so consumed with your relationship, so unable to breathe deeply without your partner at your side, everything you used to be is gone. Not only would that person shock you if you could actually remember them, but your obsession causes you to take pity on that person — the person that was the you who no longer exists.
  10. You take the blame when there’s an argument. Why? Because you know if you take the blame, even when you’re absolutely in the right, it will keep your partner happy and then you’ll be happy too by default.
  11. You only feel true happiness when you’re with your partner. Both the saddest and most obvious of signs? You only feel truly happy when you’re with your partner. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, even if it’s something that totally sucks — as long as you’re with your partner, you have no complaints and are completely happy. While there’s nothing wrong with that and it can actually exist in a healthy way for some, if you can check off everything else on this list as describing you, then there’s definitely a problem. It means you need to find you again and be happy about it.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.