All relationships have their own struggles, but being in an interracial relationship is a whole new level. As an Asian woman who’s dated a lot of white men, I’ve faced a pretty fierce learning curve in love, and while not everything I’ve learned is positive, all of those lessons have made my current relationship a lot stronger.
- Guys who buy into Asian stereotypes and fetishize my ethnicity are real AF. There were some white guys who dated me because they thought I’d fulfill their Asian porn fantasies. They assumed I was some childlike Asian girl who would squeal and cry in bed. I wasn’t sorry to break it to them, but porn isn’t realistic. I’m a strong, powerful woman and I refuse to back down to fulfill some weird dude’s fetish.
- A lot of guys feel like dating an Asian woman is just another experience to check off their dating wishlist. Am I supposed to feel flattered because some random white dude chose me to represent my enthnicity? This is akin to fetishization but slightly different because it was more about ~expanding their horizons~ than fulfilling any sick fantasies. Still, pretty offensive.
- Coming from different cultures can be a relationship killer. Cultural blending might sound like a lot of fun but in relationships, it’s much harder than many people think. It takes a lot of effort and patience to understand your partner’s culture and ideologies. Constant arguments due to different perspectives are all but inevitable. This can be something as simple as food preferences to something major like family traditions. Either way, these differences can kill even the best relationships.
- I’ve literally been applauded for “getting myself a white man.” While I know many interracial couples face malicious comments about their relationship, I’ve experienced the opposite from the Asian community. I’ve been congratulated and applauded by some members of my community as if I’ve won some kind of award. The assumptions that I’m a social climber, a materialistic person, and that I’m taking advantage of him so I could get a visa are just so insulting but that hasn’t stopped people from having and voicing them.
- A lot of people give my boyfriend crap for being with me. He often gets comments about how he should be dating a white woman and when he says he’s happy with me, many assume he just couldn’t get a white woman so he defaulted to me. WTF? He fell in love with me and it just happens that I’m from a different race. Get. Over. It.
- No seriously—my boyfriend’s literally been accused of having “yellow fever.” This is one of the most offensive stereotypes out there. I’ve had strangers and even friends comment that my boyfriend probably only liked me because I’m Asian. If an interracial couple is into that dynamic, that’s fine, but that’s just not for me and it’s not the situation with my guy. This yellow fever comment annoys the hell out of me, especially when it’s not the case for my boyfriend.
- Language barrier struggles are real. I can’t count how many times I’ve wanted to speak in my mother tongue when I’m fighting with my boyfriend and how many times an argument started because of language misunderstanding. It’s also frustrating not being able to express myself fully in the language I’m most comfortable speaking. There are also some words or expressions that I can’t quite translate to English for him, as there isn’t really a direct translation.
- Having different senses of humor can be tough to reconcile. Growing up in a different environment and having different influences, interracial couples will tend to have completely different ideas of what’s funny. Sure, there are things that we both find funny, but you can just imagine some attempts to joke around that result in a confused look and a “What’s funny about that?” Totally missing the punch line.
- Different accents can be hard to understand. My boyfriend is British, and while I love hearing his dreamy accent, I find it so hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes. Add the fact that he uses British slang I’ve never heard of and confuses me. We often have to ask each other to repeat the same sentence about three times before we understand what the other’s saying sometimes. Sometimes I wish live subtitles were a thing.
- It’s sometimes hard to get along with your boyfriend’s family and friends. Imagine having that same language, accent, and sense of humor struggles when you interact with your boyfriend’s family and friends! The same goes for him when he interacts with my family and friends. Plus, some parents still don’t agree with their kids dating outside their cultural circle, so that’s a whole other can of worms.
- Planning for the future is a bit of a pain. Being in a long-term interracial relationship means that it’s inevitable for some pretty big questions to arise. Where are we going to raise our kids? What language and culture are we going to teach them? These things are just so hard to decide on and can be a serious struggle. The thing is, if the relationship is worth it, there’ll be a way to work it out.
