11 Subtle Signs He’s Not the Catch You Thought He Was

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in dating. You go on dates and get super excited about someone. You start to dream about how much of a catch the person is and what your lives will look like together. Then, you begin to see some not so pretty aspects of him. Actually, some things that are downright inexcusable. These are some signs to get out while you can.

  1. He’s rude to the waiter. This is a dead giveaway that he isn’t worth your time. If he’s rude to the waiter it suggests that he also won’t have respect for you. He’ll think that you’re just someone he can treat like crap. It doesn’t seem like it’d be the case, but this small indication is a huge sign. This is a bummer when you’re going through your dinner thinking he’s amazing, then it flops with this news.
  2. He drinks too much. Maybe the first date it’s only a single extra glass of wine. You let it slide because it may just be a one-time thing. Though you hang out a few more times and each one he drinks more than what’s considered normal. It freaks you out. Either he can handle it really well which is scary on its own or he’s a sloppy mess. Regardless, too much booze is not your thing.
  3. He doesn’t ask you questions. It’s awkward when conversations seem one-sided. You’re asking him question after question, sparking discussion and learning about him. You’re genuinely interested in him, but you can’t keep asking all of the questions. It makes it seem like he doesn’t give a crap and is so self-absorbed he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. You don’t need that BS in your life.
  4. He talks about his ex unnecessarily. Sometimes a story calls for mentioning an ex, this is fine. If he’s mentioning her over and over again, though, this is problematic. It’s showing that he’s still hung up on her and can’t move beyond his past. Ex-talk is an instant red flag.
  5. He doesn’t take initiative to make plans. You always have to be the one to set up the times when you two are hanging out. You don’t mind doing it, but not every single time. You also have to be creative to think of where to go. It’s BS that he doesn’t make moves, so he’s obviously not the catch you thought he was.
  6. He rarely texts first. Another subtle sign is that you always have to be the one to text. He’s excited when you do text, but still, it’s not fair that you always have to be the initiator. It makes it seem like he doesn’t care about you and is never thinking of you. You deserve someone who’s going to go out of their way to communicate with you regularly because that’s what you do in a balanced relationship.
  7. He’s moving too fast. It’s the second date and he puts his hand on your thigh during dinner. You jerk up because this is shocking to you. The two of you didn’t discuss getting physical yet and in fact, you were even clear about looking for a relationship. This is a sign that he’s moving too fast, indicating that he probably just wants to get laid.
  8. He makes a lot of self-deprecating jokes. One or two can be funny and worth joking about. Though when it’s a pattern of telling jokes that are beating himself up, it’s time to raise an eyebrow. Too many like this indicate low self-esteem and some shame and guilt. If they have so much of this stuff that it’s leaking out all over the date, it’s definitely a sign that he’s not emotionally available enough to date you.
  9. He doesn’t have many or any friends. You notice that a lot of his stories are doing things alone. He rarely talks about people in his life, leaving you wondering if he has any friends. If he doesn’t, this is really bad news. It means he doesn’t have a support system and isn’t forming meaningful relationships.
  10. He’s “separated” from his former wife or husband. There are definitely some people who’re separated and they really are. Their lives have split and they’re gone in different directions. However, there are some people who are separated and they still have a life intertwined with their ex. Like they live together or see each other frequently. When they say the word “separated” pump the brakes because it could be a dead end.
  11. He’s seldom available.You don’t need someone who will come to your beck and call, but you do need someone who’s available to you for a reasonable amount of time. With a guy who’s not available a lot, he doesn’t text or call much and he only has limited time to see you in person. He makes guest appearances in your life rather than being a regular. This is a sign that he’s not for you.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.