It’s pretty easy to lose yourself in relationships, even good ones with a partner who is intentional about letting you be your own person. This is why you need to know and understand yourself so you don’t get carried away or lose sight of your goals. This way, you’ll avoid getting stuck in toxic situations and get exactly what you need and want from any partnership you enter into. Get to know these things about yourself:
Your short-term and long-term goals
How would you like your personal and professional life to pan out? Don’t just go with the flow, define your goals and write them down so you’re less likely to get sidetracked as time passes. When looking for love, don’t settle for a partner who isn’t willing to fully support your goals.
Whether you’re a homebody or a social butterfly
Introverts can have happy and fulfilling relationships with extroverts and vice versa. Still, knowing the category you belong to will help you properly navigate social situations, so you don’t overstretch yourself or end up in a relationship that makes you feel constantly bored.
What your deal breakers are
Are there things you absolutely cannot stand and refuse to put up with? I don’t tolerate lying. I don’t want kids. I can’t stand getting hit or being verbally abused (and neither should you). A partner who is not on these pages is out of the picture. Know your deal breakers so you don’t end up giving up on what you really want or need.
How much you value yourself
You can’t build a healthy relationship if you have a low sense of self-worth because you’ll just end up accepting the love you think you deserve. You need to work through any issues that might be affecting your ability to view yourself in a positive light. Grow your self-esteem, be confident in your ability to give and receive an abundance of love. Learn to accept and value yourself so you can demand the same from others.
Any and all shortcomings you have
Self-evaluation is key to becoming a more well-rounded person. Look deep within yourself and learn your weaknesses and flaws so you can work on them. I tend to run away from conflict instead of attempting to resolve it and I’ve been trying to find healthier ways to deal with disagreements. Once you know the areas in which you fall short, you can start making necessary changes or tweaks.
Your attitude towards money
Money is one of the biggest causes of disputes in relationships. You need to know how important it is to you, how you intend to handle your finances, what your spending habit is like, and what you expect your partner to bring to this table. This way you’ll be better equipped to handle money issues as they arise.
What you like and don’t like in bed
Your partner isn’t going to be solely responsible for your pleasure. You need to be able to help them learn how your body works, where you like to be touched, and the sexual activities that bring you the most or least satisfaction. It’s also a good idea to know what your boundaries are and why so you don’t get pressured into doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
The core values that are most important to you
Knowing your core values and living according to them is crucial to your well-being and happiness. Honesty, open communication, and respect for personal boundaries are super important to me and I can’t have any kind of relationship without them. No one is perfect, but as long as they share these values, I know can try to make it work.
Things you would or wouldn’t be willing to compromise on
Since people are fundamentally different, they won’t always see eye to eye on every subject. Disagreements are bound to occur, you just need to know your boundaries and the things you’re willing to budge on. If you can’t bring yourself to compromise on anything from time to time, then you probably shouldn’t go looking for love anytime soon.
The type of “attachment style” you have
Are you secure, anxious, avoidant, or anxious-avoidant in your relationships? Are you clingy and in need of constant reassurance? Do you tend to push people away? Are you easily reassured, able to trust and form relationships without feeling too vulnerable? Knowing your attachment style can help you work towards becoming more secure in future relationships.
What your ideal relationship looks like
Make a list of traits you’re seeking in a partner once you decide you’re ready for a relationship. This way, you won’t get caught in the heat of the moment when you start dating and forget about what matters to you and in your relationship. You can focus on finding the right person who meets most of your criteria.