11 Things You Need To Get Rid Of Before Falling In Love

If your relationship is at a standstill, it’s probably time for a little self-reflection. If he seems totally game for taking things to the next level but you’re still having reservations, it’s worth doing a little soul-searching to figure out what’s holding you back.

  1. The feeling that you’re just not ready. Relationships take time, so why rush them? There’s no set time for when you commit, move in, get engaged, or walk down the aisle. Every relationship is different, so take your time and wait until your head and your heart are fully ready to move forward.
  2. Your trust issues. You either haven’t built any trust, or he already broke it. If your relationship has already experienced some hiccups, it can be hard to move on, let alone move forward in any meaningful way. It’s time to decide if that trust is something that you can build or if it’s time to find someone more dependable.
  3. Your anxiety about the future. Face it, there’s no future there. You just haven’t had the guts to tell him yet, let alone admit it to yourself. You dug yourself into a hole of a relationship and while you’re not digging any deeper, you do have to find a way out, hopefully sooner rather than later.
  4. Your indecision about what you want. Where is this headed? Well, where would you like it to go? When you just don’t know, you end up standing still. Take the time to figure out your feelings and exactly what you want out of the relationship, because until you do, you’re just wasting time.
  5. The fear of losing your independence. You worry that each step will take another piece of your freedom away. You’re holding on to the last of your single girl vibes. Just because you’re not eager to give up the single life doesn’t mean you don’t love your boyfriend. You just have to realize that being in a relationship has its perks too, and you can still be an independent woman even if you’re committed to one man.
  6. Worry that you might get hurt. The more serious the relationship becomes, the more heartbreak you risk, so you’re staying cautious and treading lightly. You’ve been hurt in the past and you have no plans to go through that living hell ever again. Just remember, you can try to protect your heart all you want, but in the end, you can’t keep yourself from falling for him.
  7. Your inability to communicate. You don’t want to come across needy or push something serious too soon. After all, you have to think about his needs, and there must be a reason he hasn’t brought it up himself, right? Wrong. If you want something, say something, because you’ll never know unless you try.
  8. Your willingness to settle for less than you deserve. You want him to be the one pushing the relationship forward. Relationships are a partnership, and you don’t want to be the one doing all of the work. So you wait, and wait, but you might just be waiting forever. A man can’t (or won’t) give you something if he doesn’t know you want it.
  9. Baggage from your past relationships. It’s plain and simple: you’re not over your ex. You won’t be able to move forward with someone else until you fully put your past behind you. That means no more daydreams of getting back together with your former flame. You have to give up that past life for a future with someone new.
  10. Your unreasonably high standards. Maybe your heart or your head is still engraved with the idea of someone better. Are you settling? If you don’t love the one you’re with, don’t wait around for someone else to whisk you away. Let Mr. Wrong loose and you’ll be free to open the door when Mr. Right comes knocking.
  11. Your ability to tolerate bad sex. You really like this guy, maybe even love him, but the fact that he can’t satisfy your physical needs is holding you back. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes sex is a dealbreaker. You just have to figure out if it’s something you can fix.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.