There’s nothing like a guy who exclaims that he’s “just not ready for commitment” despite the fact that he’s pushing 30 (or well past it) and has literally no excuse for not having a real relationship. He acts like a total jerk, can’t seem to settle down to save his life, then BAM—suddenly, he’s married with kids with someone else. What changed?
The dating scene started to look crappy for him. True story, a leading study on men and commitment showed that most men start looking for marriage when they start to feel out of place in the dating scene. If he feels “too old” to continue at local singles bars, chances are he’s going to start looking to lock someone down.
He finally has a stable income/career. Believe it or not, guys feel an insane amount of pressure when it comes to being able to provide for women. Many guys worry about being “good enough” but won’t actually commit until they’re seriously stable in their ways. That being said, finance is also one of the biggest excuses guys make when it comes to avoiding commitment, so it’s up to you to use your BS detector.
There’s an outside reason for him to marry now. Though it’s rare, some guys will marry someone in order to get a better job, have a better standing in their community, or get external rewards. Never underestimate the power external factors can have when it comes to influencing a guy’s desire to commit to you.
He sees positive relationship role models now. A guy who’s seen his parents duke it out in a bitter divorce will need a LOT of convincing in order for him to marry, and the worse the experiences with the institution, the less likely it is he’ll pop the question to anyone. However, if he starts seeing more happy couples together, it’s possible that he’ll eventually rethink his position and become more interested in committing.
He’s healed from all his past pain. A bad relationship can totally destroy the way you see the opposite sex and if a guy’s been burned, there’s going to be a very, very long waiting period before he ever will commit to another. Most of the time, guys who are in the process of healing will not commit to any girl they’re dating during that time. However, after they realize they’re in a better place, they’ll often commit to the next girl they see.
If he’s been married or in a committed relationship before, it could be that he misses the benefits of commitment. True story—a larger percentage of divorced women become commitment-phobic than divorced men do. The reason why is because men tend to gain a much higher quality of life in a marriage than women do. Women often end up doing most of the housework, child-rearing, and emotional labor… and men do end up missing those benefits after having had a taste of them.
He’s done sowing their wild oats. It’s insane how many guys will see being a bachelor as a rite of passage. If a player is done screwing around, then guess what? It’s possible that he could have actually become interested in a committed relationship. (Now, whether or not you’re willing to date someone who would use girls and throw them away in the past is totally up to you. Personally, I wouldn’t.)
He’s beginning to realize that he’s losing his good looks. You’d be surprised at how many guys become way more receptive to committing to a girl once they gain weight, lose hair, and get wrinkles. Sad, shallow, but true. Guys end up wanting a girl when they no longer are able to get the casual sex they want.
His biological clock started to tick. If you think women are the baby-crazy gender, you’re wrong. According to one study, more men than women are now interested in having kids. The funny thing is that most guys’ biological clocks start ticking later, and when that happens, they start searching for a future mother to their kids pretty frantically.
He’s been given incentive by the person he’s dating. “Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?” is very true with some guys. Simply put, if a girl refuses to cohabitate, support him, commit to him, or whatever, it may end up swaying him towards commitment. That being said, you probably don’t want to get a commitment this way.
He had a “Come to Jesus” moment. Certain situations put things into perspective. Be it a car accident, the death of a parent, or some other major life moment, having a situation where you learn to value the importance of people can make even the most commitment-phobic person rethink their ways.
He actually met the right girl for him. Here’s the thing that you probably don’t want to hear: if he’s always hemming and hawing about you, he thinks that you’re not the one for him. Most guys want a girl who’s assertive and not a doormat when it comes to commitment, and if you’ve been pleading for him to commit, you already lost him. You don’t need to wait too long to find out, either. Within six months to a year, most guys already know whether they’d want to marry a girl. If he’s still not committing or feels wishy-washy about labels and major steps, he’s already made his decision and it’s time for you to leave him.
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