11 Things You Need To Hear If You’re Convinced You’re Ugly

11 Things You Need To Hear If You’re Convinced You’re Ugly

Having low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-image is soul crushing. Feeling like you’re ugly can leave you ruminating in the idea that you don’t deserve anything at all. As someone who’s recovering from a sense of not being good enough, I’m here to tell you some things you need to hear about yourself.

  1. If it’s any consolation, most women hate themselves.Toxic self-hate is an unfortunately reality for too many women because we’re expected to conform to specific ideals. If you don’t fit that ideal (ironically almost no one does), you feel worthless. You’re amongst many in feeling that way. This idea may not be a consolation, but it’s an indicator of a much bigger problem than just you not being good enough.
  2. The beauty industry wants you to believe you’re ugly so they can make money.The industry has a revenue of over 50 billion. There’s no coincidence here between the messages you’ve received about how you look and how much the beauty industry is pushing their products on you. They actually want you to feel ugly so that you’ll buy their products in hopes that you’ll feel prettier. It’s all a scam and it’s taking a toll on your self-esteem.
  3. If someone else told you you’re ugly, it’s their tape playing out in your head.The things that people say stick with us, especially from childhood or from abusive relationships. Perhaps you had someone tell you repeatedly that you’re ugly. This was an awful thing that they did and now their tape is playing on a loop in your mind. Therapy and mindfulness can help with this person who is living rent-free in your head. You deserve freedom from their messages.
  4. Society is broken, not you.Just remember that the reality is that we live in a world that can be cruel, judgmental, and unrealistic. Society is broken in many ways and could use a lot of work. Just because you get certain messages does not mean that you’re broken. After all, look at the source sending you that message. You are a whole person and there’s nothing wrong with you.
  5. The root of the fear of being ugly is often feeling unloveable.For a lot of people, the fear isn’t even necessarily about looks. If you got plastic surgery, weighed a certain amount, and looked a particular way, you’d still hate yourself. For many, the root cause of feeling ugly is actually that you feel innately unloveable. You feel that at your core there is something wildly wrong with you, so no one will ever love you.
  6. You’re worthy of love no matter what.I know you’re all caught up on a specific aspect of yourself, so it’s hard to hear these words, but you are worthy of love. You are! Right here and now without exception. You know why? Because every human is worthy of love. You don’t have to pay an earth tax in the form of looking a certain way. You are welcomed and loved just as you are.
  7. Start with trying not to compare yourself to others.I once heard a podcast with a famous model who talked about all of her insecurities. It made me realize that it doesn’t really matter what someone looks like, they’re going to struggle with self-love, too. So, if you can, try to catch yourself when you’re comparing yourself to others. You’re often comparing your insides to their outsides, anyways. You don’t know the whole story.
  8. If you’re worried about finding a lover, the right one will love you as you are.I know, when you’re full of self-hate this is going to be nearly impossible to hear. I’m going to say it anyways because it’s true. The right romantic partner for you will love you just as you are. They will not think you’re broken, ugly, or unlovable. Rather, they will love you to pieces and will not ask you to change.
  9. A lot of looks are about confidence, which is in your control.Confidence is something that you can work on. Honestly, half of life is “faking it until you make it” anyhow. So, go out of the house without makeup, apply that lovely shade of lipstick you’re afraid to wear, or wear that weird and lovely outfit. Start pretending as if you had confidence and true confidence will follow slowly behind. After all, some of the most attractive people are the confident ones.
  10. Self-esteem is built by doing esteemable acts.It’s possible that you feel poorly about yourself because you don’t treat yourself very well. This can be changed by starting to build up your self-esteem through doing esteemable acts. Start by saying “no,” setting boundaries, saying mantras to yourself, and practicing little bits of self-care. Treating yourself like a person deserving of love and care will help you start to feel like one.
  11. Self-acceptance and love is a gradual process.I know, you think very little of yourself. You even hate yourself most days. For someone in that state, self-love and acceptance seem utterly impossible. Don’t fret, though, you don’t have to arrive there overnight. How about just beginning with neutrality towards yourself? Start with diffusing those mean thoughts and if you can redirect them to kinder thoughts.
Ginelle Testa's an avid wordsmith. She's a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn't writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Follow her on Insta!