11 Things Socially Anxious Women Are Thinking At Parties

11 Things Socially Anxious Women Are Thinking At Parties ©iStock/Neyya

Somehow, your super outgoing friend convinced you again to go to a party where you only know a handful of people. Why do you always do this to yourself? Here’s just one of the harsh truths about being a woman who’s socially anxious: parties just aren’t for you, and they’re never as good as you expect them to be. How do you always manage to forget that? I feel you, girl. I’ve been there. And here’s what I’m usually stuck thinking as the night wears on:

  1. Damn, where the hell did my friend go? She ALWAYS does this. She promised me she wouldn’t do this again. How is it that every time I look away, she always disappears and leaves me hanging?
  2. Why is everyone always standing at parties, anyway? There’s a perfectly good unused couch right there. And a recliner. Damn it, I want to recline. Or at least sit.
  3. OK, we’ve been making eye contact for too long. Where should I look now? The bar? The food table? The door? Wait, eye contact takes two. Why does he keep looking at me? Why can’t he be the one to figure out some other place to look? This is totally his fault. We should totally take this up as a feminist cause. Equal opportunity eye contact. Damn, what was he saying? I totally wasn’t paying attention.
  4. Until what time do I have to stay before I can leave without it being weird? Eleven o’clock is a perfectly reasonable time to excuse myself and say I need to get home to go to bed at a reasonable hour, right?
  5. Please, please, please, somebody say something to fill this awkward pause. I’ll just give the group another couple seconds. There are six of us here. Surely someone will find something to say. Seriously? Nobody? Ugh.
  6. There are so many places I’d rather be right now than here. I knew I should have stayed home and watched Friends reruns on the couch with my dog.
  7. Have I been talking to this person for too long? I’m interested in our conversation, but is she interested, too? It’s been kind of a while that we’ve been talking.  This is mutual, though, right? She’s looking around. Crap, does she thing I’m one of those hangers-on? Does she think I’m a lesbian?
  8. I already have a full cup of beer. I have no excuse to get myself out of this terrible conversation. I’ve been making small talk for ten minutes and just can’t find a way to move the conversation forward. We’ve already covered where we live, what we do, and who we know at the party. How am I going to get out of this one when my usual excuse of “I need another drink” just isn’t credible?
  9. I hate everyone. Well, everyone who’s having fun, at least. Is everyone here seriously actually having fun? I hate them.
  10. No I don’t, I just hate myself. Fine, I don’t hate them. I just hate myself. Maybe. Kind of. I mean, I guess not really. I have plenty of things going for me, right? Right?

I’m going to need another beer. Or maybe whiskey. Straight.

Jessica Levy is a freelance blogger and content writer. She’s also a politics junkie, a fledgling foodie, and a frequent traveler. She has lived in Morocco, Israel, India, and Barbados, and never wants to be cold again. Follow her on Twitter!