Staying at a guy’s place overnight for the first time, particularly a guy you’re sleeping with, can be a daunting experience. There’s a lot you need to think about to ensure things run smoothly. While it will probably be fine no matter what happens, to make the experience a little easier, here are a few things to consider.
- Have plans for the evening. You don’t want to show up, bag in tow, only to sit down on the sofa and ask, “Now what?” Make sure you have a conversation beforehand so you know what to expect when going over to his place. It’ll make things a whole lot less awkward. Whether you’re going to watch a movie and order takeout or go out for a drink before coming back for the rest of the evening, knowing what you’re going to get up to will alleviate a lot of stress.
- Pack lightly. You don’t need a whole lot of luggage, and it might be a little scary if he sees you lugging in an entire makeup counter. Keep it minimal and casual. Make sure you have everything you use every night but don’t act like you’re going on vacation for a week. Pare it down to the necessities.
- Bring comfortable pajamas. When staying at a guy’s place for the first time, don’t do the lingerie thing — this isn’t a romantic getaway. A t-shirt and shorts are just fine (and can even be quite sexy!). There will be plenty of time for the lacy thongs and whatnot. For now, stick to the basics.
- Don’t forget your toothbrush. He won’t notice if you’re not wearing three layers of makeup, but he will notice if you’re not taking care of your hygiene. Don’t forget to pack deodorant, toothbrush & toothpaste, clean underwear, and face wipes. You don’t want to feel self-conscious that you smell in any way (even though you probably don’t).
- Figure out what to do with your hair. I know it might sound trivial, but in order to feel comfortable, have a hair plan. You don’t want to bring a straightener/curler with you for the morning, so will you have to braid your hair before bed? Whatever you do, you’ll probably need hair ties and a hairbrush.
- Be prepared to have company. Does he live with his parents? Roommates? Be aware that he might not live alone. Knowing who’s going to be there in advance will allow you time to bring extra snacks/beer/wine/salad. It can also help break the ice a bit and make the whole thing feel a little less awkward (at least until it’s time to go to bed).
- Discuss sleeping arrangements. Bed? Sofa? Spare room? Don’t assume anything. Again, this is definitely something you can talk about before you visit his place. You’ll likely be in his bed, but if you’re taking things extra slow, you might request a bit of space when it comes time to sleep.
- Think carefully about your outfit. Don’t bring your wardrobe, only what you need. Ideally, you should wear something that can be dressed up and down. For example, jeans can be paired with a nice blouse for something a little nicer, and then a t-shirt in the morning when you go out to walk his dog!
- Make plans for the morning. Do you have somewhere to be in the morning? Does he? If not, what will you do? He might not have thought of anything, so have a few ideas ready to suggest! This can be a great opportunity to get to know each other and become more comfortable spending some casual time together.
- Pack condoms. Don’t assume that you’re going to have sex (unless you’ve talked about it!), but play it safe – it never hurts to carry one around in your purse!
- Ask him which side of the bed he prefers. This might be news to some, but there are certain people who simply can’t sleep on any side but his own – and it’s a bit awkward for him when breaching the subject. Save him some embarrassment by asking which side he’d prefer you to sleep on. You don’t mind, right?
- Be prepared for all temperatures. While it’s unlikely that the guy won’t have a spare hoodie or extra pair of socks for you if you get cold, it’s still probably better if you have a few options in case his house is particularly cold. Same for if it’s a bit warm. Hopefully he has AC at the height of summer, but make sure you have cooler clothes to sleep in so you’re not sweating and uncomfortable all night.
- Don’t stress too much. At the end of the day, you and this guy get on well enough that he actually wants you to stay at his house overnight. That’s a win! It also means that he’s probably stressing a bit too about having you over. He’ll be wondering what you think of his place, if you’ll be comfortable there, and what it’s going to be like just like you are. At the end of the day, the evening will likely pass without incident and you’ll get to know more about him at the same time. It’s a win-win situation!
What staying at a guy’s place for the first time tells you about him
As mentioned, staying at a guy’s place can be a real eye-opener and expose some different sides of his personality that you were previously unaware of. Here are some things you’re likely to learn about him.
- How clean (or dirty) he is If his sink is piled with dishes, the trash is overflowing, and his bathroom has a layer of grime on it that looks like it’s been growing for years, chances are he’s not very tidy. Same goes for if his sheets are a bit grimy (gross!) or the place smells like someone died in there. Hopefully he’s clean and tidy, but if he’s not, you need to know now so maybe you can invite him to sleep at your place next time…
- What weird hobbies he has Does he collect comic books? Is he really into building Lego sculptures or practicing watercolor painting? Maybe he mentioned this in passing, but you can tell by the guy’s decor and the things he has laying around the house what he’s really into. It’s likely you’ll find these quirky hobbies endearing — and you may even find you have some more in common!
- How capable he is of taking care of himself If he has a pile of dirty laundry in the corner, his fridge is empty save for beer and leftover takeout containers, and the place is generally a mess, you can not only gather that he’s not very tidy but also that he seems to be missing his mother. He’s a grown man, which means he should be able to fulfill basic adult tasks like keeping his place clean, cooking himself a meal, and ensuring he has clean clothes to wear. It’s a pretty big red flag if he can’t!
- How well-read he is It’s likely that you’ve already talked about reading if that’s something you’re both into, but if not, or if you haven’t discussed it in depth, seeing his bookshelf (and the fact that he has one at all!) can be really eye-opening (and pretty sexy too). What kind of stuff does he read? This can give you some really great insights into who he is.
- Whether he takes pride in his living space Does his place look like a glorified bachelor pad or has he actually been thoughtful about the way everything is arranged and the decor he’s chosen? He doesn’t have to have a flair for interior design to have a well-thought-out place that really reflects him and his personal style — you can tell right away if he’s put any effort into the place.
- How mature he is When you’re staying at a guy’s place, you’d like to feel like you’re sleeping over at a grown man’s rather than a giant child’s. The kinds of stuff he has in his apartment and the way he looks after his place are both pretty great windows into his level of maturity. Hopefully, you like what you see and this isn’t the first and last time you stay there.
Check out this video from Matthew Hussey below for instructions on what not to do when spending the night at a guy’s place.