When it comes to my relationship status, I’m pretty single — I own cats, I don’t date and for me, Netflix and chill means binge watching countless hours of Pretty Little Liars and eating far too much junk food. However, my girlfriends have all been in happy and functional relationships for years and although they mean well when they say these things about my singledom, I wish they would stop.
“You’ll find a guy soon.”
When one of my girlfriends tells me I’ll find a guy soon, it makes me feel like I’m playing some sort of weird hide and seek with the love of my life. I’m not out looking for guys because quite frankly I don’t care right now, so why do they? The assumption that getting into a relationship is at the top of my list of priorities is a little bit annoying, even though I know they mean well.
Usually whenever my friends tell me about an amazing relationship milestone they’ve just experienced, they follow the story up with an apology. It’s almost as if they have to be sorry for the fact that they’re in a relationship and I’m not. I’m not as pathetic and sad as a lot of coupled up people make me out to be and there’s really no need to feel sorry for me.
“I know the perfect guy for you.”
Trust me, they don’t — and just because they know someone else who happens to be single doesn’t mean we’ll be perfect for each other. It’s going to be a hard pass from me. If I meet someone, I’ll be the one to determine whether or not we’re a good fit.
“You should join a dating site.”
OMG, no. If I wanted to join a dating site, I would have done that ages ago. In reality, I really don’t feel the need to be on Tinder swiping left and right all day until the love of my life (or a random guy looking to hook up) just happens to match with me. I have better things to do than waste countless hours scouring for men, thank you very much.
“You still have time.”
Damn right I still have time, but the way they say that makes me feel as though that clock is ticking and it’s ticking fast. I don’t need a reminder of my age because as a woman, I think about it often enough. Besides, 80-year-olds can still find love, so yeah, I know I’ve got time.
“I wish I was single sometimes.”
No they don’t — if they did, they would still be single. They’re blissfully happy in their oh-so-perfect relationships and everyone knows it. I wish they would stop trying to feign jealousy over my single life in an attempt to make me feel better. I don’t feel bad at all about being alone; I actually really like it.
“You’re such a catch.”
Of course I am — I’m confident in that and I don’t need anyone to convince me. Maybe that’s the reason why I’m still single. I’m so awesome that I won’t settle down with someone who either doesn’t see how awesome I am or isn’t worth any of my awesomeness. I’m single because I’m a catch— not in spite of it.
“Maybe you should just…”
Dating advice coming from someone who’s been out of the game for over half a decade doesn’t mean crap. The way people date today is so different than it was, and even though I love my friends, their advice is null and void. They can get back to me when they’ve had some experience in this new age dating scene.
“You’re so lucky.”
I wouldn’t call being single lucky or unlucky — it just is. I don’t need to hear that for some reason not being attached is better, especially from a friend who’s in a relationship. It just makes me worry about their love lives way more than I worry about my own. Are they unhappy? Is something going down in their relationship and they need help?
“Stop looking for love and it will find you.”
I’m not even looking for love, but for some reason, everyone assumes I am just because I’m single. You can’t just go out and find love anyway, so who in their right mind would be actively looking? Love is great and all, and when it happens it will happen, but I’m not going to let not having it consume my life and neither should anyone else.
“You’re never going to find the perfect guy.”
Duh. I know that and just because I’m not willing to date people I’m not interested in doesn’t mean I’m waiting around for some perfect guy that doesn’t exist. I’m waiting for a great guy that will be perfect for me and I refuse to settle until then, so leave me and all my singleness alone.
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