11 Things You Feel When You First Realize It’s Over

Being in love is wonderful. You feel like you’re walking on a cloud and wonder how you were able to live before that feeling got a hold of you. Unfortunately, Mr. or Ms. Right isn’t always the right one for you. Realizing that your romance won’t workout sucks immensely. These are the 11 things you feel when you first realize it’s over.

  1. It feels like you got punched in the stomach and can’t breathe. The first sensation that arises when you realize it’s over is pure shock, both mental and physical. Just as your whole body tenses when you get hit, the sudden realization that your partner is leaving you can paralyze you. The worst thing is that you don’t really care if you can breathe anyway; what for? Nothing matters when your heart is broken, but wait. You have to live for yourself, your friends, and for the sake of life’s opportunities. One guy can not put an end to your life and future, remember that.
  2. You feel worthless. You’re probably thinking something along the lines of, “Of course I’m not worth sh*t. Otherwise, why aren’t they with me?” There are a ton of reasons why a relationship can’t work out but in nine out of 10 cases, it’s not that something’s wrong with you. It’s that the match wasn’t right. You still have your worth; you just have to channel it better and share it with someone who will appreciate it.
  3. Your head is a mess and you’re absolutely confused. Why did this happen? Can we repair it? Do they not care enough about me? How could I have been so blind? Your head is a mess. Take a moment to sit down, relax, and breathe as deeply as you can. Being confused is normal in a world where people ghost you for no reason. It will get better, just don’t overthink.
  4. You want to cry yourself to sleep. A broken heart hurts more than a broken leg. Why? Because as much as we practice dating, we can’t train our hearts like we train our abs or legs. It will be painful for a while. You will want to cry. Do it. Crying doesn’t make you weak. Realizing it’s over is the first step to recovery; crying is the second. Then you begin to heal.
  5. It feels like someone dug a hole in your chest and the wound is throbbing. When you realize it’s over, you also realize that there won’t be any more “good morning” texts to wake up to. They won’t be asking how your day went and say that you’re beautiful. They’re gone. All that’s left is a throbbing wound inside you. Embrace the pain and push through it. That’s the only way you can become resilient.
  6. Life seems pointless and you hate all of humankind. What’s there to be loved about humankind if all people are jerks? That’s half the world’s population right there. That’s not exactly right. Though stats are bleak, for every 10 idiots that break your heart, there’s one good person that would worship you. Another heartbreak brings you closer to that person.
  7. Your first instinct is to talk to them about your feelings but then you realize they’re gone. Don’t be desperate. When you realize it’s over, you should talk to your friends instead. If they don’t want to be with you, they clearly don’t give a damn about your feelings and the pain he inflicted. Don’t waste your time anymore.
  8. It feels like you’ve lost your best friend. While we can have many best friends, there’s no other person we create such a close bond to than our partner. That’s mostly because of sex and because we let them closer into our intimate psyche than our best friend, parents, or siblings. While it feels like you’ve lost a best friend, you really haven’t. If they cared about you as a friend, they never would have broken your heart.
  9. You wish you could undo this moment and live in fake bliss forever. While we’d all rather forget the fact that it’s over and live in the past, this isn’t realistic. Don’t be delusional. Embrace the truth even if it hurts. Living in a fantasy will only make you miserable.
  10. You feel vulnerable and exposed. You’ve got every right to feel vulnerable. A breakup feels like someone ripped your heart out and stomped on it in front of the entire world then walked away. Understand that feeling vulnerable and being okay with it is how you heal. Admit your vulnerability and you’ll grow 10 times stronger.
  11. It feels like the roof collapsed and fell on your head. That’s what being overwhelmed feels like. When you realize it’s over, you start to think who you’re going to direct your love towards. How would you ever walk on the same street you first kissed? Would you ever be able to go into that falafel shop they took you to? It feels like you’ve been crushed by all these questions. Take it step by step. Slow down and fix one thing at a time. You’ll get there.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.