Not too long ago, I had an epiphany. I realized that the times in my life that I felt most lost or unsure of myself were the times I was regularly sleeping with a guy. I decided to take a break from having sex to see if it made a difference in my life, and it did—in more ways than I ever could have imagined.
I stopped depending on outside validation to feel beautiful or sexy. I didn’t realize that I only felt sexy if someone told me or through being great in bed, but when I stopped having sex, the external validation stopped as well. Over time, I came face to face with the realization that deep down, I didn’t believe I was beautiful. It took a while, but I eventually realized that being beautiful isn’t about how many people validate you—it comes from within.
I stopped internalizing guys’ crap as my own. We decide what people and things are allowed inside our personal bubbles, so to speak. Being intimate with someone directly allows their aura to mix with ours so that whatever junk they have starts to settle into our own energy bubbles. When I stopped having sex, I felt more in control of my well-being and was able to really engage in some serious self-care, which has made me much healthier and happier.
The amount of time and energy I spent on myself increased tenfold. I got my power back when I stopped relying on anyone to make me feel beautiful/sexy. Instead, I started to admire myself a lot more and started to compliment myself. I had the urge to try new things with my hair, change my style and do my makeup because looking sexy for myself felt absolutely amazing. It was as if I naturally fell into a relationship with myself now that I wasn’t sharing my time with any guys.
The veil was lifted when it came to the kind of guys that were in my life. I had time to reflect on the last guy that I was intimate with, without the distraction of our amazing bedroom fun. Within a week, I saw this man for who he really was and what was really going on and had the opportunity to make a decision from a place of power. I realized that not only was he not giving me the love I wanted but I was settling for a terrible excuse for love just for the sake of avoiding loneliness.
I grew to understand the true meaning of love. I always tied love and sex together and noticed that it was a topic that would come up very quickly when I met a new guy. I used to get into relationships based on sexual chemistry and I’d mistake that for an emotional connection when really, it was anything but. By staying out of the bedroom, I was able to start redefining my needs and desires when it comes to real love.
The importance of my friends became clearer than ever. When your mind isn’t distracted by guys, it’s amazing how much time you want to spend with your friends. I realized that the women in my life could make me smile and happy much more than an FWB. Plus, my BFFs hang out with me because they love my company, not because they’re trying to get something out of me.
I started valuing my body. Once the want/need for physical intimacy subsides and you really settle into abstinence, you begin to value your body and yourself in a much deeper way. You don’t need anything outside of yourself to be fulfilled. It sounds so simple but I only realized that when I took a step back. Now, I’m far more choosy with not only who I spend time with but who I let close to my physical body too.
My creativity level skyrocketed. Sexual energy is synonymous with the power of creativity (look up solar plexus and sacral chakra)—it’s referred to as the “fire” where creativity, power, and sex drive all stem from. With abstinence, this “fire” was put in my hands to use it as I chose. I used it to create and started to write more, draw and even go out and dance.
I started glowing. The most surprising change I underwent is the healing of my self-esteem and finding the root of my happiness inside of myself. I was glowing from the inside out—who would have thought that abstinence would bring this much positivity?
Suddenly, everyone was drawn to me. I noticed that more and more people started to approach me when I was out and about. It’s a natural occurrence when you live with so much positive energy—you become a beam of light to others. People wanted to know about me and it felt amazing.
I gained some serious perspective. Lastly and most importantly, my perspective changed. By removing sexual relationships, I restored my sense of power and came face to face with the mental/emotional obstacles that prevented me from coming from a place of power. I was able to clear my aura and put my focus to other aspects in my life that generated even more happiness.
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