12 Crappy Ways You Find Out Who Your Real Friends Are

The older you get, the more you realize who your real friends are—but that information doesn’t come pain-free. Instead, it smacks you right in the face. These 12 crappy situations will really show you who’s there for you through thick and thin and who’s a frenemy in disguise.

  1. You’re the subject of a rumor. Your real friends won’t believe the worst of you but they will talk to you about it and give you a chance to confirm or deny. If you say it’s untrue, they believe you—but unlike the other liars and gossipers, they come straight to the source. A real friend tells you when you’re the latest gossip; a fake friend just keeps spreading it through the grapevine.
  2. Your friend tries to steal your boyfriend or even your ex. The man you love shouldn’t be up for grabs and neither should the men of your past. Ex-boyfriends are off-limits unless given specific permission. Even worse, finding out that a friend is trying to steal your current boyfriend from you is one harsh blow that no friendship can survive. After all, what kind of friend chooses the only guys in the world she can’t have over your friendship?
  3. You lose all your money. The truth is, money can buy friends—just not real ones. If you’re financially strapped and suddenly your friends don’t have time for you anymore, that’s a clear sign that your relationship was based on your cash flow. Real friends will be there for you even when you can’t afford to go out or do anything that’s not free. Losing your funds is crappy but realizing that your friends were only your friends when you had money is even worse.
  4. You land a great new guy. Your real friends will be happy for you; your fake friends won’t have room for happiness because their judgment is clouded by jealousy. They’re still single and they’re bitter so when you find the man of your dreams, all they can do is gossip about how he’s too good for you. It’s so high school, but just remember it’s their loss.
  5. You find out your “friend” can’t keep a secret. Your friends are supposed to be the people you can tell anything to in the strictest of confidence, but what happens when you misjudge their loyalty? Suddenly all of the skeletons in your closet are out in the open for the whole world to see. When you find out a person you thought you could trust stabbed you in the back, that can be one of the most painful friendship fallouts of all.
  6. You get dumped… for a guy. That’s right, your friend has a new boyfriend and now that she’s no longer single, she doesn’t have time (or a need) for you anymore. Real friends always find a way to make time for their girlfriends. If you’re important to her, there will always be room for you in her life.
  7. Your friendship comes last. If your friend’s new partner doesn’t like you then it’s “sayonara, sister” because friends don’t come first. Fake friends are only interested in girlfriends who get along with their guy. It’s a ‘you or him scenario and in this complicated ultimatum, only real friends won’t throw you to the curb.
  8. You get your heart broken. Your real friends will be there to pick up the pieces; your fake friends will always disappear when times get tough. A real friend will be there to remind you how great you are and what a dumbass your now ex is. She’ll see you through heartbreak while fake friends will never stand by your side.
  9. Your boyfriend cheats on you. Some people are worried that you will kill the messenger, but a real friend will tell you the truth no matter what. The truth can hurt but in reality, we could all use a little more honesty and a lot fewer lies. No one likes to bring bad news but real friends know that those are the times you need them more than ever.
  10. You move away. Your real friends will make an effort to stay in touch. Fake friends fade away. A friendship is a two-way street. You both have to put in the time and the effort to make your friendship last. A true friendship doesn’t rely purely on proximity because when your connection is solid, you’ll always hold onto each other no matter how many miles apart.
  11. You screw up big time. Whether you cheated on your boyfriend or you’re literally stalking your ex, your friends will be there through all of your mistakes. You’re only human and you’re going to screw up once or twice. Your true friends won’t leave you when you’re at your worst and they’ll still be there when you’re back at your best.
  12. You lose a loved one. Death can be one of the hardest things in life to grasp. It takes time to get through the loss of someone you loved and you definitely can’t do it alone. So who’s going to be there for you? Who’s going to check in and show up whenever you need them even if they didn’t know the person you lost? At the end of the day, if a friend isn’t there for you in your time of grief, she was never a real friend at all.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.